What it takes to make good friendships?
Mornings are hard enough without the frustration of freezing after stepping out of a warm shower. The mirror is fogged up and you are trying not to slip and fall. To offset the chill in the cold bathroom, I usually distract myself with a playlist of soul music. And if I have time, like I do on Sundays, a vigorous skin care routine is the best solution to give me that extra energy for the day ahead.
It is a ‘heaven-on-earth type of feeling’ walking into a warm, freshly-aired bedroom with clean bed sheets, surfaces, and windows, to get ready to go to the country club. I love being the kind of woman that spends her Sundays at the country club, writing, swimming, dining by the golf court, and playing Tennis purely for the vibes.
On such a Sunday, I found myself in great company. I was in the sauna with a couple of other women, and one of the ladies started a conversation with her friend.
She said, “Hopefully I will have good news to share, but if the news is bad, I don’t want to walk that path alone.”
I was eavesdropping, at first. But later, it turned into a conversation with everyone that was present in the sauna. I learnt that she had done some test at the hospital and was anxious about the result. Anticipating bad news, she didn’t want to carry the burden of unfavorable test results by herself. Of course her friend didn’t want her to carry it alone either. And in God’s design, she’s not supposed to.
I also learnt that in the sauna, all are equals. There are no social or power hierarchies in a sauna, no superiors or subordinates. Especially since these specific one is designated for women above 30years. You could be sitting next to a CEO, politician's wife or entrepreneur, discussing anything from the weather, makeup tips to making business deals and planning trips together.
People gather in these humid cocoons, with friends, family, strangers, or alone, devoid of clothing or technological gadgets, to relax and escape from the cares of everyday life.
During that conversation, I was pressured into contributing to the conversation on tips and advice on having a successful marriage. I'm no expert on marriage and relationships; (I have been married for only 5 years), but as the other ladies opened up and shared their own rocky, hero’s path, I was inspired. I talked about the struggles of outgrowing certain friendships, not having children yet and being an entrepreneur, and they shared a lot more with me. How can one keep things up your sleeve when you are not even wearing sleeves?
That day, I was reminded of the joys of friendship, and being supported as part of a community. That's what inspired today's post. What it takes to makes good friendships?
1. Patience
If you look at your phone today and realize that you are struggling in the friend department, don’t assume that it means you’re doing something wrong. And please, please don’t assume it means there’s something intrinsically wrong with you. Instead, assume it means that during this season, God wants you to focus your attention somewhere else. Perhaps this season opens up room for you to hang out closer to Him or your family.
Just keep talking to Him as your friend. You never know what tomorrow may bring and who He may bring to your path.
2. Socialize
The only way to guarantee never making friends again is to never try again. If we want near and dear friendships who help us thrive through change, we are going to need to put in a little effort here and now.
But let's not be desperate! That will open us up to being used, abused and traumatized, again.
3. Being a Good Listener
This isn’t always easy to do. Being a good listener takes a real lack of insecurity and the knowledge that one friend’s circumstances and victories don’t diminish your own gifts, choices, and circumstances.
It takes compassion to listen and know her struggles do not elevate your position in the imaginary 'Woman Who Has It Most Together' competition.
But more than that, it takes humility to put all parts of yourself on hold as you quietly but decisively put a spotlight on your friend.
4. Love and Compassion For You & You For Them
Imagine this, when you sit in the middle of change, there is a person who assures you, comforts you, and holds you. When you don’t know how to pray, they become the words and actions of God and prayers of the Holy Spirit. When you don’t know what to think, they become an accurate perspective on your situation. They hold hands and hearts and are a light when you don’t know which way to go. They are worth opening your heart up for. Isn't that amazing to have or be?
The other beautiful part about opening yourself up to let others serve you? From the overflow of that blessing, you will want to serve others too.
5. Healing.
Imagine loosing out on a great friendship because of your trauma and insecurities...it would be terrible,right?
Some have experience life's pain and struggles only to discover that community can be the thorns and weeds of life too. Perhaps that’s you. It's been me too. Family and friends have hurt you, and as far as you’re concerned, the only way to make living well through change is to keep your “friends” and family far, far away.
Undoubtedly, it is a tempting idea, and one that I have entertained too. But alone is never the way God intended us to be. So can we try to open open our hearts to spend time forming new friendships and family so that in the process we are better equipped to handle the changes life has to offer.
There is probably more but these are my basics. What are yours? Let me know down in the comments section.
If you enjoyed this, you may also like Is The Relationship with Your Family, Friends or Partner Toxic? and Finding Your Tribe
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