I have no desire to be disliked by other people. I bet you don't either. Even so, regardless of our efforts, there are people that hate me, and people that hate you. This is a fact.
I encounter numerous individuals who hold animosity towards me. Additionally, there are numerous individuals who hold affection towards me, but today, I aim to discuss those individuals in my life who conceal their resentment towards me.
Prepare yourself a cup of tea as we delve into the insights I have gained from such individuals.
To begin with, they are difficult to identify. Perhaps they lack the confidence to articulate their true thoughts or they lack the confidence to confront the consequences of expressing their thoughts and emotions. Instead of being straightforward, they conceal their feelings and find subtle ways to convey their resentment and discontent towards me.
I never noticed their presence until one day, I reached a higher level of self-awareness that allowed me to become aware of this information, regardless of their attempts to remain hidden. I identified them within my own family, among my friends, in past romantic relationships, among acquaintances, and even among strangers.
I assume that I may have been excessively focused on one aspect and lacking in another. Or perhaps they would prefer it if I simply didn't exist. Nonetheless, this did not deter them from seeking a deep connection with me, and they succeeded.
In any case, let's delve into it;
1. They can't completely hide their resentment.
There's no mistaking openly hostile behavior; it's direct and in your face. Disguised hostility and passive aggressive behavior from people who secretly resent you, on the other hand, is an indirect expression of how a person truly feels. It can be one of the most difficult behaviors to deal with because it's expressed in obscure, underhanded ways.
For example, I have noticed that when someone wants to insult me or belittle my career as a content creator, instead of doing it directly, they will pick another content creator and project the hate that they feel towards me while conversing with me. I would sit there and listen to them tear down this other content creator, foolishly thinking that I was the exception. Silly me. Looking back, I now know that they got to live out their fantasy of insulting me to my face, without the consequences of a confrontation.
They may also use sarcasm or veiled hostile joking and teasing, often followed by ‘just kidding’, and deny there's a problem. If you get upset or offended by what they say, they may accuse you of overreacting. Rather than saying what they do or don't want. A person who uses disguised hostility may put up passive resistance to your ideas and opinions, needs and expectations.
The person may appear normal on the surface but they are acting out their resentment towards you in an indirect or hidden way. You will find yourself getting upset and angry but you can't be entirely sure it is justified.
2. They will watch you closely, in hopes of witnessing your downfall.
When you have a bad day, week, month or year, you may catch them celebrating your downfall prematurely.
It gets pretty awkward when you manage to survive those times and eventually thrive without their help or support.
3. It is what it is
They resent me. We got that part. But why? Am I a murderer? A thief? Have I committed genocide or bombed a small village? Was I mean? Did I say something that offended them? Whose children have I thrown down a well? Which home did I wreck? Did I poison their food or slaughter their cats?
I don't think so. But we will never know the issue because they choose to keep their resentment a secret and have no interest in resolving things.
So I guess, it is what it is.
4. They want to resent you.
One of the most important and easiest things to recognize in people that resent you is they do not work to reduce or resolve conflicts, although they will often tell others that they do.
These people have patterns of behavior that avoid or increase conflict rather than manages or resolves it, revealing warning signs that you can look out for. Sometimes this involves gaslighting you into thinking the hostility you sense from them is imagined, or deserved; sometimes it involves a sudden intense escalation of the conflict (screaming, running away, starting a smear campaign, violence, etc.); sometimes it involves dragging out a conflict over months and years, while pulling many other people into it.
5. Some people will misunderstand us, in service of their own dysfunction and pain.
They can't understand, empathize or even see us as deserving of genuine interactions because it doesn't serve them to do so. So don't fight for somebody to see you or your goodness, when they are showing you that they can't.
6. They are dangerous
You could be siblings that love each other, relatives that have grow up together, childhood friends or even just acquaintances. But as soon as they begin to compare themselves to you, an uneasiness creeps in, stemming from the fear that you may succeed more than them. As soon as they feel victimized by your success, a rivalry is developed. There now exists a secret contest between you and this other person. And that makes them dangerous.
Take the powerful drive of competitiveness, combine it with the volatile poison of jealousy and you have a lethal combination.
Even though you see them as your friend or family member, they see you as their rival.
7. Life is unfair sometimes, but it's not your responsibility to even the playground by dimming your light.
Don't hide, deny or apologize for God's favor in your life simply because others are easily evoked to jealousy.
Get a new circle instead.
8. It's okay that they resent me.
Instead of wallowing, I am moving on with my life and trying to be better that I was yesterday because there’s so many more things to life than just worrying about being liked by everyone.
9. "Heck yeah, I am flawed!"
My appearance is rarely flawless.I suffer from severe asthma that occasionally gives me a somewhat weak appearance.Let’s just say my hair is far from perfect.I struggle to keep secrets, especially my own.And believe it or not, I aim to please others rather than confront them. Even though I may not always appreciate these qualities about myself, they are an integral part of my identity.
10. They are not superior for tolerating someone they hate.
I'm flawed. Yes, I said it. And I meant it.
Every person on this planet has a flaw. Flaws can range from something physical, something emotional, to something you just downright don’t like about yourself. Because of this we have to have empathy for other people, but tolerating other people's flaws does not make it you superior to them. Especially if you are secretly building up resentment while actively seeking a close relations with them.
11. Listen to their words for threatening or extreme language.
Written and spoken words can give you some clues.
Don’t discount a sudden emotional impulse to run, or fight, or freeze in someone’s presence, especially when it doesn’t match what your thinking brain is telling you. While you don’t necessarily want to jump into action whenever you feel afraid, do pay attention to that feeling, and who might be causing it. Carefully evaluate whether you are in actual danger.
Could you be picking up on something that’s about to happen? Could you be sensing that the person ill intentions?
12. They are not remorseful.
Any wrongs they commit against you will be justified in their mind, even though they have made no attempt to confront you or resolve the issues between the two of you.
So you will never get an apology out of them, even when you catch them red-handed being intentionally cruel or toxic toward you. You deserved it, remember?
13. You can choose to only have people that love you in your inner circle.
You don’t get to pick your family, but you can pick your mentors and you can pick your friends. You can pick the music you listen to, the shows you watch and you can pick the books you read. You are, in fact, a mashup of what you choose to let into your life.
Take a good look at your immediate circle of friends, and make a list of the women you’re not sure you trust, the ones with whom you feel uncomfortable, regardless of whether you think you “should” like them or not. (“We have so much in common!” is not a reason to trust someone.) Don’t judge your feelings—just go with your gut.
Then, make a list of those women who make you feel loved and whom you could call for help when you really need them. When it comes time to make social plans, focus your precious time and energy on this group of golden girls—they’re your real friends.
Choose wisely.
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