It's been a couple of months since I joined a sports club and I am loving every minute of it. I would never have known how much I love tennis. Nor would I have learnt to play squash or created the elite social network I now have. It's a literal dream come true even though I had such a hard time fitting in at first.
I am writing today's post to share all the lessons I have leartn while moving through this new social circle, to make life easier for the ladies that aspire to a bit of social mobility.
I hope you enjoy the post and it brings you lots of enjoyable interactions with great people, and lots of great memories. I hope it will also help you be more confident as you socialize with others.
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More than once, your mom or your dad has probably told you, “Sit up straight. Act like a lady.” Or maybe you have an older sister who taught you what to do, when to do it and why. If they didn't, I am here for you.
We all want to be the young lady that people like, trust and respect. Maybe not all of us, but a lot of us. We dream of being accepted into polite society and actually fitting in because then, you get access to good schools, good jobs,exclusive spaces and a whole lot of successful people that can have a great impact on your life. But there are a number of rules you will want to follow. You probably know a lot of these rules already. You know that a lady does not smack her chewing gum while in the company of others or stick it under the seat of her chair. You know that a lady does not chew with her mouth open or make irritating noises while they eat. You know that a lady is helpful to older people and that she offers to help clear the table after dinner is finished. But there are other rules, too, and some of which are included in this post.
Generally, being a lady means having quiet elegance, good etiquette, polite language and a graceful demeanor. Sometimes this is challenging so you may need to practice a little so they will come easily to you.
This doesn't mean that we can’t have a good time though. In fact, it can be fun—and a big relief—to know how to do things the right way. Better yet, there may be an immediate payoff for all this hard work. It may mean access to better romantic partners, better social circles or exclusive events. It may mean impressing your partner during date night. It may even mean impressing your parents so much that you get more privileges.
Here goes....
1. Saying “Please”
Say “please” any time you are asking someone to do something for you. That means;
When you’re in a restaurant, you say to the waiter, “May I have another soda, please?”
If you come to the door, and your hands are full, you don’t say, “Hey! Somebody get the door!” Instead, you say, “Would you hold the door open for me, please?”
At the breakfast table, you don’t say, “Can I have some cereal?” Instead, you say, “May I have some cereal, please?”
If somebody asks, “Do you want sugar on your cereal?” you don’t say, “Yeah.” Instead, you say, “Yes, please.”
If you’re on a crowded elevator, you don’t say, “Can somebody over there press nine?” Instead, you say, “Would someone press nine, please?”
2. Saying “Thank You”
Don't assume that just because other people are doing their jobs, that you don’t have to show appreciation for their efforts. Saying “Thank you” is just as easy—and as important—as saying “please.” because it is important to be nice to people who do nice things for you—whether it is fixing your dinner or smiling when they hand you your order.
When people treat you well and they see you behaving like a lady in return, they will be proud to know their efforts haven’t been lost on you.
You say, “Thank you,” any time anyone does something nice or helpful for you.
When someone holds an elevator door open for you—you say, “Thank you.”
When someone gives you a compliment—you say, “Thank you.”
When someone gives you a gift or lends you something—you say, “Thank you.” Even if you are not crazy about it. You don’t have to pretend that you love something you don’t like but saying, “Thank you for thinking of me,” gets the job done. And you are still letting people know that you appreciate them and their thoughtfulness.
When someone hands you a saltshaker—you say, “Thank you.”
Say, “Thank you,” whenever anybody says something nice to you—even if you are not sure you’re being paid a compliment.
3. Saying “Excuse Me”
Whether you are stepping in front of someone in a store, or sneezing or burping, or trying to get another person’s attention, “Excuse me” is a phrase you will need to use for the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter whether you are a young lady or an old woman. You are going to burp or pass gas or get the hiccups. You are going to have to step around other people on airplanes, at the movies, or in the bleachers at a football game. You are going to have to interrupt someone to ask a question or ask for help. It just happens. Saying “Excuse me” is the right thing to do, in all these situations.
You don’t need to say, “I’m sorry,” because you haven’t done anything wrong —unless you have been rude and walked in front of somebody at the movies and stood there so long he or she missed half the show. That’s when you need to say, “I’m sorry.” But most of the time, “Excuse me” is all you need to say.
4. Making an Apology
There are plenty of times in life when you will want to say, “I’m sorry.” When we make mistakes, it is best to go ahead and admit them. You may need to say;
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings,”
“I’m sorry I used the last of the toilet paper and forgot to put in a new roll,
“I’m sorry I spit in the air and the wind caught it and it hit you in the face.” hahahaha...
A lady tries to make as few mistakes as possible, and if you are lucky, as you get older, you won’t make mistakes quite so often. If you try not to make the same mistakes twice, you will be relieved that you don’t have to say, “I’m sorry,” again and again. Better yet, people will accept your apologies and forgive you for having screwed up.
5. Accepting an Apology
Let’s say a friend’s dog has chewed up the pair of shoes you let your friend borrow. The friend says, “I’m sorry.” You might respond in one of two ways. You might say, “That’s Okay. Stuff like that happens.” Or you might say, “You idiot. Why did you leave my shoes lying around where your dumb dog could eat it?”
Sometimes, it’s hard to say, “I accept your apology.” But most of the time it is the right thing to do. Try to put yourself in your friend’s shoes. After all, that’s what you’d want them to do for you.
However don't let yourself be taken advantage of. If your friend’s dog chews up your shoes every time you loan her, you may still accept h apology—but you don’t have to loan her any more shoes because being a lady does not mean you have to let people treat you badly. If someone does the same inconsiderate things or hurts your feelings over and over again, you may want to keep your distance from them.
6. Paying a Compliment
Make it a habit to tell someone when you think he or she has done something good. Everybody likes to hear people saying nice things about him or her. It doesn’t cost anything to pay somebody a compliment and a genuine compliment is one of the best gifts you can give. It doesn’t get old or wear out, and it will make somebody happy—somebody who may remember it forever.
Don't worry that other people will think you are trying to get on somebody’s good side, or that you are trying to be the “teacher’s pet.” There is nothing wrong with any compliment, as long as you really mean it— even if it’s a compliment to your teacher or to your sister. It is always right to say something nice to another person, even if that person is someone you do not know very well.
7. Accepting a Compliment
Do you know one of the biggest mistakes adults make? No, it’s not their weird fashion sense or the toxic media they consume. Nor is it wearing white to a wedding—although that is pretty hard to forgive. One of the biggest mistakes most adults make is that they don’t know how to accept a simple compliment. When somebody says something nice, some people don’t know that the right thing to do is to say a simple “Thank you.”
Maybe they think they are acting humble. But they are wrong. They are actually being rude.
8. Using The Correct Fork
Sometimes, when you come to the table—especially in a fancy restaurant—you will find a lot of forks set out in front of you. You may get nervous. Relax. Forks are no big deal. Most of the time, there will be only two of them. You use one of them (the smaller one) to eat your salad, and you use the other one to eat the rest of your meal. If there are a lot more forks on the table, just do what the others do.
9. How to Act in Places Where You Are Bored
At some time or another, you are going to be in a place where you are bored. Whether it is a play, a wedding, a fiftieth anniversary party, a dinner with relatives, or a really boring class, you are going to have to go places that you don’t find all that exciting or very much fun. There’s nothing wrong with being bored. But it is wrong to act bored and hurt other people’s feelings.
Don't squirm in your seat so that everybody sitting close to you knows you are bored. You do not want to distract other people from enjoying. Some of them may actually want to be there.
Don't sigh and continually check your watch or repeatedly ask, “How much longer before we can go? Do we have to stay for the whole thing?” You may think you’re making the time move more quickly, but you’re only making the situation worse.
If you can sit quietly though an incredibly boring experience, people will respect you for your manners, not to mention your patience.
Find ways to occupy your mind in situations where you are bored. Ways that don't cause distractions. I like to carry a small Sudoku puzzle book in my purse for such moments.
10. Winning Well
Do you suppose that Michael Jordan was a bad winner when he was a boy? Did he make fun of the players on the losing teams and the other kids who weren’t as talented as he was? Of course he didn’t. And neither did most of the truly great sports champions. They were lucky enough to have parents and coaches who taught them that being a good winner is as important as winning the game. You can be the best at football, tennis, board games or video games, but if you make those against whom you are competing with feel bad, they are not going to want to play with you, or against you—not because you are better than they are, but because you take all the fun out of the game. If you take all the fun out of the game, even if you win all the time, people won’t want to play on your team.
Instead just say, “Good game,” to the other team or the person you are competing against. You are going to lose one day yourself, and when that happens, you won’t want to be treated poorly. Bragging about yourself or insulting the losing team simply makes others feel bad, and it makes you look bad.
11. Losing Well
Let’s be honest. Losing sucks. We all know that because we’ve all lost before, and we will probably lose again. However, you will also win again at something—hopefully, more times than you lose. But whether you’re competing in football, chess, or the Olympics, how you lose is really just as important as how you win. Nobody likes the guy who claims that the other guy or the other team was lucky or cheated or that he just let them win. That kind of guy or girl is going to be one lonely person. You want to be the girl who, when she loses, will congratulate her opponent, even if she did just get lucky or even if the referee did make a bad call or even if you didn’t give your best effort. When you get home, you can put all your anger and frustration into making yourself a better player for the next match. You will become a better competitor, and you will be a person whom others will want to compete with.
I really enjoyed writing this post, let me know if you are interested in a part two.
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