When one of my Coaching Program clients told me her story during our sessions, I knew we were in for a long and painful course of healing and self-discovery. As a firstborn daughter, her childhood was packed with horror: physical, emotional and sexual abuse, parental conflict, neglect and bullying. Her adulthood was no better: people pleasing, burnout, alcohol, suicidal thoughts, tumultuous romantic relationships and friendship betrayals. She resented a world that had always disappointed her by never reciprocating her self-abandoning love and loyalty.
And yet, after a few weeks, she began feeling better. Much better. I asked her what had changed.
“When you asked me if I have something perfect to wear if the employer or man of my dreams wants to see me in an hour. I suddenly realized that because I was raised and praised for being a self-abandoning codependent people pleaser, I always believed that getting myself the best of anything was a waste of resources. I have always been celebrated for putting my needs aside so I had never invested in my wardrobe, my dreams or aspirations. That realization change my life. ”
My client continued to feel better and make positive changes in her life. After 12 weeks we both agreed that she didn’t need to be in the program anymore. Other clients, friends of hers that she referred to me have told me that she’s a changed woman.
While I would like to take credit for having been a brilliant coach, the truth is that this client fixed herself — and she did so by learning how to invest in her well-being. Perhaps it was the discovery of what she deserves that enabled her to change. Or maybe it was her discovery of how much people had taken advantage of her empathy and lack of boundaries or self-love.
For her, a look at her closet is what inspired her new pursuit of a life well lived.
If you walked into your closet at this very moment, what would you see? What would your wardrobe say about your mental health, self-esteem and confidence?
If you relate to my client, you are not alone. I have been there too and here are some wardrobe essentials that helped me get started:
A-Line Dress
A true A-line is narrower on the top and flares out gently toward the bottom, resembling the letter A, thus the name.
Here’s the deal with the A-line dress:
It will work for you on your best day.
It will work for you on your worst day.
It will work when you don’t know what to wear, for all occasions, and in all kinds of weather. And no matter what, it will flatter your figure. That is really a lot for a clothing item to give you. Yet, it demands so little in return, just a few bold accessories, a great pair of shoes, and maybe a pair of stocking, depending on the time of year. But that’s it.
Statement Belts
An often overlooked and underappreciated accessory (shoes and bags get all the attention). Yet, a great belt can make you look slimmer, pulled together, accentuate curves, and add bling to an otherwise bland outfit.
A thick black/brown belt on a floral dress. It instantly narrows the waist and highlights your curves. But the belt is not just about the silhouette. Think of your belts as pieces of jewelry. Look for unique designs, styles, fabrics, and buckles.
Try out corset belts, ethnic styles, red crocodile, green python, zebra print, etc. These are the kinds of belts that you can add to a white dress, a black dress, a pencil skirt or on a T-shirt dress—and in seconds the look is transformed.
A waist is a terrible thing to waste. -ANONYMOUS
A Swimsuit
They key to wearing a swimsuit is confidence, confidence, confidence.
The girls that rock a swimsuit best do not necessarily have the most perfect bodies. But they do have the perfect outlook. They realize that when you are lucky enough to be by a pool or an ocean, obsessing about your body is the least stylish thing in the world. That being said, when shopping for a swimsuit, smaller is more flattering. It should not be too big, especially on the bottom, as it will bunch up, perhaps sag, and look terrible.
Enough said.
The Blazer
Us women blatantly stole this from the boys and then wore it better, as is so often the case. We can wear it with sleek formal pants or on top of a cute little dress. It even works with skinny jeans.
The beauty of the blazer is that it does a tango between the masculine and the feminine, the formal and the casual, the preppy and the trendy, the smart and the sexy. You can’t quite pin it down, and therein lies its charm.
Boyfriend Cardigan
Go ahead and steal it! Or at least borrow it for a very, very long time. Take his cardigan. Dads, grandpas, brothers, friends, boyfriends and husbands are all fair game.
Wear it over a cute top and jeans or T-shirt. Belt it. Experiment. Try wearing it over a feminine dress with boots. Use it as a jacket in the fall or spring to look casual and low-key.
The boyfriend cardigan had a high-fashion moment when Marc Jacobs did grunge and the models appeared on the runway with skirts, combat boots, and oversized cardigans. But the boyfriend cardigan had been around long before grunge and will remain long after. Perhaps because anything that looks like it was stolen out of your boyfriend’s closet will never go out of style.
A Camel Coat
A true classic coat will looks both elegant and expensive if the color is right. Try a golden tan, light brown or any bright colour.
The camel coat has become a wardrobe essential that women will wear to give their jeans an upscale air. It also adds a great vibe to an all-white or all-black outfit.
But this coat is not just for the sophisticated girlies. Every girl should have a camel coat for those winter days when she needs alternatives to the black coat. And for those nights when she feels like having a main character moment.
Red Lipstick
Red lipstick is much like the little black dress or your favorite pair of jeans, you can't go wrong. Personally, I only wore red lipstick because nothing says bold glamour like a red lip. I highly recommend every woman to try it.
A Suit
Investment Bag
Every woman should have something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. This can be you handbag the bag. Do not feel guilty (or you shouldn’t, anyway). You deserve it.
Jeans
One of the most simple, most casual items in the world is a pair of jeans. But finding the right one can be such a headache for women. We’ve all been there.
Standing in the dressing room, pulling, trying on a tenth pair of jeans as the salesgirl calls, “Is that the one?” You just want to reach out and strangle her. But instead you calm yourself, peek out, and ask if she might be able to bring you a few more in your size. And the size below your size. And the size above. But then, on the twentieth or thirtieth try, you find them. Your perfect match. Sure, they’ll need a little altering and a bit of breaking in, but for the most part, it will be love at first sight.
Remember, pick a jean that fits you perfectly and stick with it, no matter the brand or design. Fit is everything.
Spanx
Enough said.
Yoga Gear
If your gym clothes are old, stretched, or faded, replace them! You deserve to look good in those gym mirrors—after all, you did make it to the gym (a victory in and of itself), so you’d better have some nice clothes to stretch and sweat in since you’re there.
And you can wear them anywhere. To the fridge, the store, the mall or even for a casual date. Just promise not to wear them to bed. (It’s often assumed that nice yoga clothes or even a nice sweatsuit can be worn to bed. That is a total mistake.
Good Sleepwear
Like so many things in life, sometimes you really need the right outfit to do the job well. And sometimes sleeping is no different. It may be surprising to hear, but the right sleepwear can be a game-changer for getting the right amount of good-quality sleep.
There are even studies that point to how wearing the wrong thing to bed can wreak havoc on the quality of one’s sleep. Getting enough quality sleep is paramount to overall health, happiness, and well-being. While what to wear to bed may seem like a relatively trivial question, wearing the right sleepwear can make a big difference for your sleep and overall health.
Push-Up Bra
A girl must choose wisely when and where she wears such a bra.
A first date, probably.
A job interview, probably not.
Happy hour, probably.
Family functions, probably not.
Little Black Dress
Often, the perfect little black dress finds a girl when she is not looking. If she sets out on a “perfect little black dress mission,” the thing will elude her all afternoon. But if she is on her way to a lazy Sunday brunch, it will most likely come to her via a random street vendor. No matter what the cost, she should buy it.
Consider your little black dress as a blank canvas instead of a fallback. It demands to be accessorized and adorned. To avoid being accused of playing it safe, make sure you have a dash of daring (a dangerous stiletto, bold jewelry, etc.), and make sure it shows off your best assets.
Stilettos
This shoes is capable of invoking euphoria, admiration, panic, and justifiable credit card debt. You can never have too many stilettos, and you’ll never feel as though you have enough.
Ask the notorious Imelda Marcos. In 1986, when she fled the Philippines with her dictator husband, news reports came through that she left behind three thousand pairs of shoes in her closet. (She later said she left behind only one thousand and sixty, but who’s counting?) Much of the world balked—but I’ve gotta say, I wanted to meet the woman, as I think she lived out a shoe fantasy most women would kill for. More accurately, I wanted to see her stiletto collection. A woman’s entire being can be understood by the heels she owns.
What’s more is that the stiletto helps to define the curvature of a woman’s leg, and offers height, confidence, and sass. A woman wearing the right stiletto is a true force to be reckoned with.
Good luck! See you in the next post.
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