Ask a ten year old what you should do if you catch a cold and the child would immediately recommend getting into bed and drinking plenty of warm fluids. Ask what you should do if you get a cut on your knee and the child would advocate for seeking help with cleaning the wound and bandaging it. Children also know that if you break a bone in your leg you need to get medical attention immediately. If you then asked why these steps were necessary they would tell you that treating such injuries helps them heal and prevents them from getting worse.
We teach our children how to take care of their bodies from a very young age and they usually learn such lessons well. But ask an adult what you should do to ease the sharp pain of rejection, the devastating ache of loneliness, or the bitter disappointment of failure and the person would know little about how to treat these common psychological injuries. Ask what you should do to recover from low self-esteem or loss and trauma and adults would be equally challenged. Ask how you might deal with intrusive thoughts or nagging guilt and you are likely to be met with sheepish looks, religious innuendo, or a pointed effort to change the subject. Some might confidently suggest the best remedy is to talk about our feelings with friends or family members. But while discussing our feelings might offer relief in some situations, it can actually be damaging in others. They rarely suggest seeking professional help.
The reason we take little to no purposeful action to treat the psychological wounds we sustain in daily life is because we lack the tools with which to manage such experiences. And I experienced this personally, during a season in my life when I became overwhelmed with a couple of pesky psychological condition I had been struggling with. I was ill-equipped, to say the least. So I know all too well that if you are struggling mentally, you might feel shattered, and that nothing will ever put you back together again. This feeling is normal and quite common, in this economy.
Fortunately, healing and recovery are quite likely when you find the right mental health professional and wellness coach like me.
Sadly though, most people do not get help and thus suffer needlessly for years. Some don’t know where to find it. Others fear that treatment might jeopardize their career or reputation. And others are blocked from seeking help by common myths and distortions, which are listed below—along with counterarguments:
Those who seek treatment are weak and dependent.
It is strength to recognize areas in which help would benefit us and seek help. Sure, there is still stigma around talking about your negative feelings but to suffer in silence is not honorable either.
The notion that we need to 'suck it up' and that seeking outside help for mental health problems is for white people or those with a victim mindset, is the main contributing factor to what the WHO is calling a silent epidemic involving increasing cases of depression and people taking their own lives.
I should be able to “soldier on” alone.
Why? Is it written somewhere that one must never get assistance from others? If help ultimately strengthens us, is it weakness to ask for it, or is it strength and wisdom?
If I show that I have feelings, I will lose control.
Actually, people are more likely to lose control by bottling up feelings in an unhealthy way. It is liberating to realize that we can show human emotions such as anger, grief, fear, and pain, and even shed tears—as we might at a funeral—and then return to being fully functioning adults.
With emotional flexibility, we are less likely to snap. It is only by acknowledging vulnerability in certain areas that we can strengthen those areas.
As the saying goes, we have to feel it to heal it.
I must always be on guard and never relax.
A rubber band that is constantly stretched will break. Be vigilant when needed, then take a breather when it’s safe so that you can function better.
These symptoms will go away with time.
They might, but if they are severe they likely won’t.
"I’ll lose it and never recover if I start talking about the trauma".
"I couldn’t stand the pain of talking about the trauma".
Talking about trauma might be uncomfortable initially, but usually it becomes easier with repetition—especially when we choose the proper person and setting. A skilled professional will help you do this only when you are ready, and then at a pace that is acceptable to you.
Talking about the trauma makes it worse.
Denying my feelings will make the pain go away.
Distancing, disassociating or drinking will get you through temporarily. In the long run, ignored pain tends to accumulate until it erupts, often destructively.
I shouldn’t have to suffer.
"I shouldn’t have to work at healing".
Suffering is inevitable. Healing is painful but not healing is also painful.
I don't have time to heal.
When time is needed to recover, have the courage to ask for it.
I must appear strong so that no one thinks I’m weak.
"I should be ashamed for having symptoms".
This keeps many of us from getting help and causes many to selfmedicate to disguise symptoms. Would you rather look strong, or invest the effort to be and feel strong inside?
I should be over this by now.
Recovery takes time—as long as it takes. Often, the slower you go in treatment, the faster the recovery.
All problems can be resolved with willpower and getting back to work.
Obviously this doesn’t work since many symptoms can persist for decades until new approaches are tried.
I’m irrevocably bad for what I did. I’ll never get over it.
Would a truly bad person feel the remorse that you do? Humans are able to listen to guilt, make needed changes, and then release it. Eventually, the guilt subsides.
Mental health professionals can’t relate to what I have been through.
Some have experienced what you have, and some who have not, have tried hard to understand experiences like yours. Some have a capacity to care and help even though they have not experienced what you have.
For example, I am a great wellness coach to firstborn daughters because I have been where they are and after years of healing, I have made the gentle guidance I needed then, available to them now through my writing, social media content, guided journals, and the 12weeks coaching program.
What do I aim to do as your wellness coach?
The coaching program entails 90 minutes one-on-one weekly sessions with me for 12 weeks to offer support and encourage you in your personal and interpersonal healing and growth journey using a variety of conversational and written techniques.
The essence of this wellness coaching program is healing and self-discovery through a guided discussion, or series of discussions, either face to face, on the telephone or via video chat. Its purpose is to guide the client to more success, happiness and well-being than they are currently experiencing. Sometimes clients have a vague feeling that life could be better or something’s wrong, but can’t put their finger on it. Often they know what they want, but don’t know how to get it. The coaching program helps them to find it.
The wellness coaching program is:
Concerned with choosing where you want to be and how to get there. It focuses on the here and now and the future.
Based on the premise that the future doesn’t have to equate to the past, the past is relevant only if it is likely to seriously affect the results of the coaching.
A process which helps you think about your current circumstances and clarify your goals in a balanced way in every area of your life.
About exploring your thoughts, feelings and experiences to promote learning and constructive action. You can learn to improve your communication skills, be more confident, motivated and proactive, handle stress, cultivate self-discipline, create positive attitudes and change unproductive behaviors.
A catalyst. Introspecting, healing and learning are as likely to emerge between coaching sessions as much as during them.
A useful tool that is aimed to place in the hands of anyone who wants a healthy and happy life, the knowledge which would assist them in healing & making mindful lifestyle modifications.
The wellness coaching program is not:
Counseling or therapy. It does not seek to resolve psychological and emotional issues (although this can happen).
Impose my views on the client or see to solve their problems for them. It doesn't take responsibility away from the clients. It helps them find their own way, even if it is not the way that I would have suggested.
A short-term measure just to cope with current issues. It takes a long-term view, although it is also concerned with today’s actions.
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