I have a purpose, a chief aim for my life. When I perceive myself fulfilling this purpose, I grow in self worth and happiness. When I perceive myself not fulfilling this purpose, I decay in self-worth and become deeply unhappy...I self-destruct. What's my purpose, you ask? To bring more healing to the world as a writer, a wellness coach, and through the wellness journals I thoughtfully design for you. I have dedicated, committed and willed my life to this purpose, mission, vision, chief aim, master plan - the Divine Design for my life.
Upon fully embracing my Purpose, I observed a profound alignment as God's support and challenges intertwined to propel me towards the realization of my mission. A significant aspect of this journey has involved navigating the delicate balance between offering genuine help and avoiding the pitfall of rescuing individuals, a distinction that has proven crucial in both my personal and professional interactions. As a wise individual once remarked, "The more you do for them, the less they do for themselves," highlighting the importance of empowering others rather than fostering dependency.
Nevertheless, amidst the challenges, one of the most gratifying aspects has been the radiant smile that graces my face each day after a session, knowing that I have made a positive impact and provided valuable assistance to someone in need. This sense of fulfillment and purpose serves as a constant reminder of the significance of staying true to my Purpose and the profound impact it can have on both myself and those around me.
As I said earlier, my superhero days are long gone. I have learnt that rescuing is another important ingredient in the “Crazy Glue” of unhealthy relationships, romantic or platonic. Initially, engaging in acts of rescue forged a unique connection that makes me feel both needed and heroic. It allowed me to perceive myself as a source of healing and a beacon of heroism. Drawing from my innate maternal instincts and my upbringing as a firstborn daughter, I found excitement in extending care and support to others. My belief in the transformative power of love led me to think that I could remedy a myriad of issues in others' lives, whether their problem was financial, drug or alcohol abuse, or unsatisfactory prior relationships. Through my acts of giving, assisting, and offering solace, I inadvertently constructed an illusion of power, authority and strength for myself. There was a sense of heroism in it for me: There was a subtle allure in the idea that by extending my aid, I could wield a certain form of power and influence over the lives of those I sought to rescue.
In essence, the act of rescuing others not only provided me with a sense of purpose but also painted a portrait of heroism in my eyes. I found a sense of nobility in the notion that through my intervention, I could catalyze a profound change in others, thereby elevating both them and myself in the process. The complexities and nuances of this dynamic are indeed intriguing.
Helping and rescuing are two distinct actions that play a crucial role in our relationships and interactions with others. While it is important to offer assistance and support to those we care about during challenging times, it is equally essential to recognize the boundaries between helping and rescuing.
Helping entails providing aid, compassion, and encouragement to our friends, family, or partners when they face difficulties. It is a gesture of kindness and solidarity, demonstrating that we are there for them as a supportive presence. Helping is a temporary act, a way to navigate through rough patches in life, and it is characterized by occasional instances of assistance.
Rescuing, on the other hand, involves a repetitive pattern of behavior where one individual constantly relies on others for help and support and almost never reciprocates. This person may exhibit a consistent cycle of instability in both their professional and personal life, often finding themselves in challenging situations. Moreover, they tend to shift blame onto others for their own shortcomings and failures.
Recognizing the distinction between helping and rescuing is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and boundaries. By understanding that helping is a temporary aid while rescuing can lead to enabling detrimental behavior patterns, we can establish healthier dynamics with those around us. It is important to offer support and compassion without enabling a cycle of dependency or neglecting our own well-being in the process.
Initially, the gratitude expressed after a rescue mission intensifies the relationship in a profound way. The act of being rescued creates a bond that goes beyond mere words; it solidifies a connection based on trust, reliance, and a shared experience of vulnerability and salvation. When someone expresses gratitude after being rescued, it is a testament to the deep impact of the event on their life and the profound sense of relief and appreciation they feel towards their rescuer.
Many people bask in the glow of their friends, family, or partners' gratitude because it validates their sense of purpose and importance in the lives of others. It is a powerful affirmation of one's ability to make a positive impact and be a source of support and strength when it is needed most. The feeling of being truly needed and wanted by those we care about can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding, reinforcing the bonds of love and connection that tie us together.
Helping those we love and seeing the tangible difference our actions make in their lives can be a source of great joy and satisfaction. The knowledge that our love and generosity have the power to alleviate suffering, provide comfort, and bring happiness to others is a profound realization that can deepen our sense of purpose and fulfillment. Their effusive gratitude serves as a reminder of the impact we can have on the lives of others and the importance of being there for each other in times of need.
While their gratitude may feel wonderful and validating, don't confuse being needed with being loved.
Being needed implies a dependency or reliance on someone for specific tasks or support, which can sometimes stem from a sense of obligation or convenience. On the other hand, being loved goes beyond mere utility or necessity; it involves genuine care, affection, and emotional connection. It is crucial to understand that being loved is about being valued for who you are as a person, appreciated for your qualities, and cherished for your uniqueness. Therefore, it's important not to equate being needed with being loved, as the depth and authenticity of love transcend mere practicality or usefulness.
While it is undeniably touching to receive gratitude for helping someone in need, it is crucial to understand that expressions of thankfulness alone are insufficient to nurture a strong and healthy relationship, whether it is a friendship, familial bond, or a romantic partnership. Consistently coming to the rescue of your loved ones may inadvertently transform the dynamic into one resembling that of a caregiver and a dependent individual, rather than fostering a balanced and mutually supportive connection.
Moreover, it is imperative to acknowledge that repeatedly rescuing someone is not a sustainable solution. People who exhibit unstable or irresponsible behavior are unlikely to be positively influenced by constant interventions. In fact, such individuals often find themselves trapped in a cycle of failure, perpetuating a sense of helplessness and resentment towards those who continuously bail them out.
Therefore, it is essential to encourage personal growth and accountability in our relationships, rather than enabling destructive patterns. By promoting self-reliance and empowering our loved ones to take ownership of their actions, we can cultivate healthier and more fulfilling connections based on mutual respect and understanding.
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