My Happily Ever After

You have all heard the fairy tale story and it's a thousand variations.

The Disney princess movies that we soaked up from childhood.

The rom-com.

The lyrics of almost every pop song ever written.

The diamond ring.

The trashy romance novel.

You have even heard the stories from your friends. They call you up to talk. They have met Mr. or Ms. Right, and now hope is through the roof and hormones are running high. Or they need to vent and a shoulder to cry because Mr. or Ms. Right has turned out wrong, yet again.

You have probably been in love yourself. Or thought you were, you poor soul. Maybe you were in lust, struck stupid by desire.

Or maybe you are still in love now. Maybe it all worked out.

Maybe you do not believe in love. It is a sentimental cliché in your eyes. A cultural construct in the service of capitalism and patriarchy. A trap.

Maybe you do not care about sex. Too busy, too tired, too smart for that messy situation.

But still, no matter where you fall, you know what I am talking about, don't you?

I am talking about the romantic venture that is finding your one true love and living happily ever after.

I have always been a hopeless romantic. I often fantasized about my happily ever after being like a fairy tale romance. I even wore a crown on my wedding day and had the long trail on my wedding dress. It was the day I had been waiting for. I could hardly imagine knowing and loving anyone more deeply. It felt like the ending of a romantic movie where everything they had been through was worth it and now it all works out for the story's main characters. The hero and heroine declare their love without reservation and get married.

But here is the thing, marriage is not a fairy tale. It is joyous and wonderful but it isn't simple. It's messy, complicated, and full of unexpected surprises of every variety. The fairy tales do not mention the endless laundry, bathroom habits, the first fight, or the everyday meal planning.

My knight does not fight tournaments in my name, rescue me from dragons or lift me up over puddles. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that because, in the middle of the night, I look more like the old cone with the apple than Snow White.

But he has saved me. More times than I can count, he has stood by me, held me up, or wiped my tears. He has even made me feel like a princess from time to time- and I do not mean the sleeping one.

My reality may be different from the fairy tales but the two years of marriage have been worthwhile, passionate, and true.

Here are some things I have learnt that I would love to share;

3. Marriage gets better

The man I married did not know how quiet I get when I'm upset, so he couldn't bug me to tell him what's wrong. But now he knows better.

He did not know that I like cheap EVERYTHING, because I'm what you call thrifty. Now we both enjoy a good deal.

Like a fine wine, it gets better with age. The more you learn each other, the more you learn new ways to love each other.

With time, you also understand the other's view point and are more willing to incorporate their perspective into any solution.

2. Marriage is fun

I really love being married. I get affection, cuddles, conversation, play, financial support, sexual fulfillment, and family commitment all in one person, under the same roof. Literally within arm's reach.

1. Marriage changes you

Marriage has changed my life. It has made me a better and more playful woman. It gave me insight into who I truly am and has gifted me a community of loving generous people that support me.

It has underlined for me the importance of one of the central tasks of life: how to love well. And this love has seeped and taken many forms in my life.

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