For the last 3 years, I have been learning about stress and trauma, as well as helping people heal from its effects. I am often asked how I can work with a subject as morbid as trauma without becoming burned out or depressed. My answer to this question is that witnessing the transformation that takes place in people when they master their traumas has proven to be a deeply sustaining and uplifting experience in my life. How can that be?
Let me begin by telling you a little about myself.
It's a safe bet that many of you are familiar with my work online, whether it's from this blog, my Instagram, or TikTok. On the internet, I come off brave and audacious because I speak up about serious subjects like managing mental illness, healing from childhood trauma and letting go of toxic habits like people pleasing. But in 'real life' discussing these issues can be tricky, and it takes me out of my comfort zone. Making my thoughts and experiences public in my writing is by no means easy, I am quite terrified actually, but hiding behind the screen of my computer and not being forced to endure any judgemental gazes regarding the matter makes it all seem a bit safer.
When I begun my healing journey, it was impossible for me to admit to the reality of my story in real life or on the internet, and the burden of enduring the pain of what I had been feeling in utter isolation had successfully worsened my condition. But still, there I was on the internet tricking my mind into believing that I’m not a coward. That I had finally found some bravery within me to say that I was a firstborn daughter struggling with a plethora of mental illnesses from years of people pleasing, being void of boundaries, non-confrontational and giving to others so much more than I received.
Despite never feeling fully comfortable in the early years, I kept going because I believe that identifying something that scares you and tackling it headfirst regardless, is one of the many approaches that I have found to help. Because of this, I have turned my initial hesitance to talk about this subjects into a reason that I have to write about them.
Still, I’m as far removed from being a therapist as a human being can possibly be. I went to college for what I now think is the most unmarketable majors (Nutrition and Dietetics), and it still took me five and a half years to actually get through it. I then dived into employment at wellness center, at first as an administrator before eventually landing a management position with the lavish corner office where I interacted with society's elite for a living. This lead me to other management positions, but that's a story for another day. None of my educational or vocational history points towards expert knowledge of the workings of the human mind, but a couple of pesky psychological conditions taught me that I better learn more about them if I didn't want to become a victim of them.
While I'm not a therapist, my decade-long battle with depression, and generalized anxiety disorder (along with a fun sprinkling of CPTSD) has placed me in offices with a couple of them. I have spent countless hours self-diagnosing on the internet, speaking with psychologists, tried self-medicating, and tried many more things in the relentless pursuit of understanding and easing my anxious mind. Without a doubt, it has been the most difficult thing I have ever been through in my life. Despite this, I sit here now happier and more successful than I've ever been.
It has taken years, but all of those different approaches I have tried have left me with an assortment of techniques and reminders that keep me sane, healthy, and optimistic. I have a job that has been my dream since I was fifteen years old (I help people change their lives through my writing, guided journals and wellness programs). I have a positive disposition that has virtually never compromised. For at least half a decade now, each year of my life has been significantly more enjoyable and fulfilling than its predecessor.
In an odd way, I owe much of it, if not most of this, to my struggle with anxiety and depression.
For me, writing and creating content meant slamming into brick walls, climbing them, facing them again, climbing them yet again—an Olympic-size mental workout. It has been stressful, but most importantly, a meaningful labor of love. Talking about these issues is an important step to recovery, and I hope that reading about my experiences and successes in the realm of healing and self-discovery will be of help to others that haven't yet attained a firm grasp on them.
XOXO
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