How would you describe your relationship with food? To understand what an unhealthy relationship with food looks like, it can be helpful to first have an idea of what a healthy one looks like. A healthy relationship with food involves accepting all different kinds of food to help feed and nourish your body while enjoying what you eat. It can involve aspects of an intuitive eating mindset that utilizes use of hunger and fullness cues which lets your body know how much and when to eat.
A healthy relationship with food means giving yourself permission to nourish your body with proper nutrition, while allowing yourself to find pleasure in food and eating, both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, most women and some men I have known have a love-hate relationship with food. Myself included. It's why I designed the Food Journal.
You might assume that having a bad relationship with food is as cut and dry as whether you have an eating disorder, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia, or not. However, some challenges are much more subtle than the eating disorders we have heard about in the media or have experienced in our lives.
Here is an example I crafted from the experience as wellness coach. Details have been altered to maintain the anonymity of my client.
Let's give the example a name, Nyasuguta.
Nyasuguta’s in conflict with food and she constantly worries over what she’s eating. Sometimes it’s simply at the back of her mind as she negotiates her way through another busy day … but often it dominates the forefront of her attention, to the extent of being an intense and distressing preoccupation. There are just so many questions and concerns buzzing around in her head all the time:
‘What to eat – how much – and how often?’
‘What size of helping should I have – how many calories does that contain – just how “fattening” is this?’ ‘
What will be the result of eating this – and how will I feel afterwards if I do?’
‘If I eat this now, will it go straight to my waist, hips, thighs or my tummy – and can I find the time to “work it off” tomorrow?’
‘Will the cellulite on my thighs make them look undesirable?’
And so on. And on. And on it goes! These are just some of the worries at the back of Nyasuguta’s mind, sapping her energy and taking the edge off her pleasure in eating. Robbing her of some of the joy in life itself. To eat or not to eat?
Make no mistake about it – Nyasuguta loves food! And she really enjoys preparing meals for others. For her, it is an expression of her love for her family, for Makori and her son Borongo. However, since she was a teenager, Nyasuguta has become increasingly wary of food. She’s become fearful of eating too much during a meal – even unsure what ‘too much’ really is.
She’s also concerned about eating the ‘wrong things’ and at the ‘wrong time’ of day. Social media and every TV program she watches seems to be sending her messages that she should lose weight or that she needs to change her body in one way or another. Not to mention the aunties! On occasions it all becomes ‘too much’ to take in. Unable to reach a decision about what to eat, she often decides to eat nothing at all and skips lunch instead. To her disgust, by evening she is sometimes so hungry she ends up overeating while scrolling on TikTok.
Diet-crazy Nyasuguta sometimes wonders if the world has gone diet-crazy. But then she reminds herself that all her friends are dieting too. So it ‘must be OK … mustn’t it’? Her husband Makori’s already joked about her weight gain and as you can guess, it didn't land well with Nyasuguta. She tends to feel ‘at her fattest’ just before going to bed with Makori. She’d love to be able to fit into the new red lingerie she has bought and feel confident.
Comfort eating Nyasuguta snacks on crisps and packets of biscuits when she feels tired and fed up. She’s comfort eating by using food as a way of trying to change the way she feels at a particular moment. It’s an understandable attempt to boost her flagging energy after an exhausting day at work, further depleted by chores at home. It also helps to lift her mood. However, Nyasuguta’s unhappy not only about her weight and shape, but also about the current state of her relationship with Makori. Comfort eating provides her with a way of feeling better – quickly. And it works! But here’s the catch – only for a while. Soon after overeating, Nyasuguta feels annoyed and even disgusted with herself and within a few days or weeks she goes on yet another diet.
Nyasuguta’s pattern of spells of comfort eating, followed by the adoption of the next dieting fad she comes across, is her way of trying to feel better and happier about herself in general. In fact, Nyasuguta’s comfort eating is an attempt to fill an inner emptiness or vacuum – to satisfy a form of emotional hunger. This sense of emotional emptiness is being created by the absence of real self-love and a more loving and satisfying relationship with Makori.
Complicated, huh?
You see, food is, and always will be, an emotion. It’s guilt. It’s happiness. It’s companionship, celebration, sadness, fun, comfort and sacrifice. It’s a million more things than what it is said to be: a straightforward transaction of calories. Food means more than sating an urge. For so many of us – I’m talking rational, smart, busy women – food is feeling. And as much as we love and gain comfort from eating our favourite foods, and from talking about when and where we’ll be eating next, our relationship with this basic human function remains complex, nuanced and often irrational.
If you are unsure where you stand on the spectrum of having a healthy relationship with food, this question below can give some insight:
Does food impact the decisions you make around activities or events to participate in?
Do you feel guilty or ashamed after eating?
How much of your time and thoughts go toward eating and food choices?
Do you feel you need to exert too much control about food choices?
Do you feel anxious about making decisions around them?Are there worries regarding weight gain or becoming overweight?
How would you describe the role food plays in your life?
Is there discomfort eating in front of others for fear of judgment?
Do you hide food or wait to eat when you are alone?
Is eating out at restaurants or eating food prepared by others a challenge for you?
Do you feel "out of control" when you are eating?
So how you you reset a negative relationship with food? I have the perfect thing... A food journal.
The first thing I ask every one of my nutrition program clients to do— before we even talk about the sugar cravings, weight loss goals, or how to get into juicing—is to start a food journal. Why? Well, for the sake of our sessions, so that I know what they eat and can make suggestions. If we have only ninety minute together per week, I want to make sure we make the most of the session and can jump right in without having to mentally recap a week’s worth of meals. But the bigger benefit of keeping a food journal has nothing to do with me or my tricks; it’s that journaling is a mindfulness practice.
The only way to make a significant change is to be aware of your actions in the first place. You may be surprised to find that simply writing down what you eat will make you much more conscious of your trips to the fridge, or your snacking patterns when you stay in for the weekend. Another great benefit is discovering patterns in your daily routine. While what we eat is critical, I often find why and how we eat are just as—and often more—important. Do you hit a slump every day at 4 and eat something you don’t really want? Are you tired and hungry two hours after breakfast? Or maybe you get home from work feeling so famished that you eat a bag of crisps while making dinner, and by the time it’s ready, you’re no longer hungry. If any of these scenarios sounds familiar or if similar ones come to mind, keeping a log might help you understand the relationship between food and other areas of your life. And it can enable you to make small changes that can have a big impact.
I thoughtfully designed this food journal as a way to connect the dots between what we eat and how we feel. It’s not about counting calories or macronutrients or any complicated equations; the real idea is positivity. Without guilt or shame or judgment, there’s empowerment that comes from just writing it all down and observing.
It’s important that we look at our inputs from a place of love, rather than guilt or shame. We all encounter situations and circumstances—wedding weekends, after-work drinks, or trips back home—that challenge our ability to make healthy choices. Instead of getting down on ourselves, we need to think of these challenges as opportunities. When we observe our habits closely and carefully, we can discern how we react to certain triggers and better prepare for them. Which doesn’t mean we always should or need to make the healthy choice. And I get it: Writing down everything you eat can feel like a cumbersome, annoying endeavor. Sometimes it’s easier not to think about what you ate, why you ate it, or what you could have done differently in a day. But the cost is teeny: a couple of minutes a day and maybe a little discomfort. And the benefits of keeping a food journal outweigh those trade-offs. You might even find some comfort—or empowerment—in putting it all to paper. You will start understand your eating habits and patterns, and help you identify the foods — good and not-so-good — you eat on a regular basis. If you have eating habits that you’re not so satisfied with, then you can change them. Your journal will reflect all that.
How to use This Journal;
A basic food diary should include the following:
What are you eating? Write down the specific food and beverage consumed and how it is prepared (baked, broiled, fried, etc.). Include any sauces, condiments, dressings, or toppings.
How much are you eating? List the amount in household measures (cups, teaspoons, tablespoons) or in ounces. If possible, it is best to weigh and measure your food. If you are away from home, do your best to estimate the portion.
When are you eating? Noting the time that you're eating can be very helpful in identifying potentially problematic times, such as late-night snacking.
Jotting down where you're eating, what else you're doing while you're eating, and how you're feeling while eating can help you understand some of your habits and offer additional insight.
Where are you eating? Record the specific place you are consuming food, whether it's at the kitchen table, in your bedroom, in the car, walking down the street, at a restaurant, or at a friend's home.
What else are you doing while eating? Are you on the computer, watching TV, or talking with a family member or a friend?
Who are you eating with? Are you eating with your spouse, children, friend, or a colleague, or are you alone? How are you feeling as you're eating? Are you happy, sad, stressed, anxious, lonely, bored, tired?
To order the Food Journal, message me on WhatsApp through +254708 649 088
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