Let’s face it: high school and college are teaching us all wrong. I have been an official adult for a decade now, and there are three skills I use daily that I was never taught in school: budgeting, taxes, and saying no with grace.
I can’t remember the last time I spoke in French or applied the Pythagorean theorem. Can you?
Luckily, there are plenty of books, and content creators that address budgeting, boundaries, healing and everything else that school wrongfully deemed unnecessary. But where are all the books, conferences and hashtags about one of the most inevitable things in life that we all face daily: change?
Change isn’t something that happens to us that we have to face with tears, anxiety, and binge-watching Korean dramas. Change is something our Higher Power uses to get our attention. Our reactions to change shape our life. And we are grownups—we can actually choose how we approach, live through, and respond to change.
I have been there, done that and I'm ready to shine the light on the murky future and imperfect, unknown tomorrow that change often brings with it. If you need to be encouraged that change isn’t synonymous with loss but that it brings along its own gifts, my coaching program might be the best money you have ever spent. If you need a change mentor, you’ve found her. If you are wondering what the Pythagorean theorem is, I think it has to do with math.
When it comes to change, it’s possible to thrive, even if that change looks like the exact opposite of the path you would prefer. That’s the message I needed to hear years ago, that’s what I need to remember today—and that’s exactly what today's post is about.
How to Change!
At the beginning of what I now know as the darkest night of my soul, I had been curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor, crying for what seems like forever. A hour probably. And the hour before that I was crying while washing utensils. I might have cried myself to sleep the night before too.
As I pulled myself together off of that floor, I realized that I was smack in the middle of the stormiest season in my life so far.
I thought I just needed to borrow tomorrow's happiness for that day. Just enough to stop the tears and find the right words to describe what is going on in my life.
I wanted to grab the biggest bottle of wine I could find but I settled for Vodka because like Gabriel union says in her book, red wine is great because it’s like a big, warm and fuzzy hug. While the Vodka will get you right, make you forget about your woes and give you the courage to have a F-you attitude. She warns never to mix the two. But all bets are off because she too failed to take her own advice when writing her book because she give out warm hugs but also give us straight talk about life and loving ourselves.
With every couple of shots, I was going to ask myself, and you, the big tickets questions. But first, let me say that I know that there those who have it worse than me. I recognize that you are not obligated to give a f$%k. That said, my problems are important to me, just as yours are to you and so I have the right to complain and address them here, in my corner of the internet.
That said, first question.
In all relations, past and present, I am always the one seeking out a deeper and more meaningful connection with the other person. Why? I deeply crave that intimacy, yet others seem to be okay without it. Why? I feel broken because I am not ever satisfied or even interested with surface level conversations with my parents, siblings, friends and lover.
For them, it's too much.
Second question.
Why I am filled with so much quiet rage? Did it have to do with the fact that I had always prided myself for being a non-confrotational people pleaser with little to no needs of her own? I thought it would make me easy to love but the world around me refused to reciprocate this self-abandoning love and blind loyalty I was offering.
Another question.
Why was I still seeking my people's love, empathy, admiration and approval, when they have shown me in a thousand ways, they think I am undeserving of it.
I needed to stop trying to prove myself worthy by ignoring the hurtful words, intentional mistreatment and blatant disrespect. They were never going to care or validate my goodness.
There were many more questions, just as there were shots. And answering those questions in the days, weeks and months that followed, was my first step towards change.
Today, through my social media content, blog posts and coaching sessions, I'm thrilled to share my inspiring healing and self-discovery journey.
I'm focusing on creating individual and societal change with my newfound bravery and louding voice.
Here is how you can do it too.
💚 Embracing Vulnerability:
The power of opening oneself up to experiences and emotions.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable has helped me grow as an individual. It has taught me to attract abundance through authenticity and passion. But it required courage and humility to embark on this journey.
💚 Paying Attention
When you focus your awareness on someone or something, you are paying attention. Paying close attention to ourselves and the moment at hand is how we recognize habits and behaviors that no longer add value and joy to our lives.
Being conscious of counterproductive or self-sabotaging actions, reactions, and responses as they happen gives you the opportunity to stop and make a different choice, one that is more conducive to health and peace of mind.
Focusing awareness on the now not only gives you the opportunity to change what isn’t working, it also allows you to enhance and appreciate that which is working. Especially when feeling pressured or rushed, it’s easy to circle the drain out of habit or fear, clinging to what is driving us crazy. Thankfully, this kind of mindful living leads to an intentional life that is on purpose and promotes calm, balance, and peace of mind and heart.
💚 Living in the Moment
As a wellness coach who believes much of our healing comes from addressing past wounds, and as someone who loves to revisit wonderful and traumatic experiences in order to make sense of my current trauma responses, I have struggled with the concept of continually living in the moment.
What does living in the moment really mean? Where do planning for the future, scheduling appointments in advance, making reservations for a future trip, and all the other realities of life fit into the idea of living in the moment?
I think that if we are consciously paying attention and aware of planning for the future or thinking of the past right here, right now, we are still living in the moment.
The answer is simple, although not necessarily easy. We learn to live in the moment through intentional practice, practice, practice. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Take it one day at a time.” While a day at a time is a great concept, we all know that one day may contain way too much for us to handle during certain circumstances like intense grief, physical pain, or fear. In soul-searing situations, taking it one minute or one breath at a time may be the most we can do.
Take it one tiny, tolerant little step at a time. At least that’s how I, and other women I know, are progressing toward increased mindfulness—one gentle, conscious moment at a time.
"How much have you changed?" You ask.
That's a story for another day. See you in the next post.
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