Back in the 2018, when I first envisioned creating a blog about my wellness journey, I was desperately struggling to sort through my own pain. I vowed that if I ever figured out what happened to me and what I needed to do to get better, I would share everything I was learning from the journey of finding myself in the blog.
That blog, I decided, would be open, honest, warm, gentle, and nonjudgmental. It would be kind. Because that's what I needed, information and kindness.
I would be the insight I needed to help me along my healing and self-discovery journey. And about three years later, I am sitting down to write yet another blog post with that goal in mind. The one hundred and tenth blog post.
Sometimes I wondered how I, a non-expert, has come so far, and had this level of impart to people's lives. From the first few posts, I took comfort by telling myself that it was okay to say what I thought because only a few people would read it anyway. I also spent a great deal of time reading and researching, striving to not only offer you great insight for your introspection, but to also tell my story as a firstborn daughter in a Kenyan household, which for the most part, had not been told.
Now, years later, I am so happy to be receiving positive feedback from my readers and wellness program clients, and I am immensely grateful to have sold hundreds of copies of my guided journals.
I feel passionate about the importance of healing from our childhood trauma and letting go the limiting beliefs we have come to see as truth.
My own healing has helped me learn to advocate for my vision, boundaries and well-being. I have become more driven, free, peaceful, feminine, and learned new lessons along the way about owning my power. A lot of that had to with unlearning toxic and unhelpful beliefs about what it take to be a good woman.
The point of this post to make you aware of the beliefs you may hold regarding the definition of a good woman or how to best navigate womanhood. Some are taught, passed down through generations, and others are heavily implied in our society. I am bring them to your awareness so you can go forth and challenge them.
Disclaimer: These are not my beliefs but the messages I have received from society regarding being a good woman.
Define your worth by your continued dedication to caring for others, even at your expense.
Prove you are not a whore! Dress and act in whatever way society defines as modest.
At home, always volunteer for any unpaid physical and emotional labor to earn your keep.
Aspire to motherhood. It is the only valuable role a woman can have. You are selfish if you don't.
Don't have an orgasm unless in the presence of a male partner, preferably your husband.
Be unadulterated yet somehow successfully gather enough worldliness to escape the grasp of treacherous men and find a suitable partner in a timely fashion.
Smile! You could always smile more.
Be void of boundaries. Assertiveness is for bitches and difficult women that will die alone.
Prove you are not a whore! Be ashamed of your sexuality.
Don't be too invested in female friendships or have loyalty to a sisterhood. Other women can only be your competition for male attention. Instead only truly invested yourself in romantic relationships.
Once you are married, manipulate and parent your husband because the health of a marriage is solely the responsibility of a woman.
Your period is disgusting, don't talk about it. Don't even be seen buying pads. If you must, wrap them in a newspaper when you do.
You are not good enough! But maybe if you buy..........
Only use your body in the service of others. Your family, your husband and your children.
You don't belong. The place you grew up in, the one you call home, is just but a temporary home. It's when somebody's son deems you worthy, that you get to be taken to your forever home.
Use your vagina to make an honorable man out of a boy.
Gossip! It's okay to pass judgement on other women through the lense of the patriarchy. What else are you supposed to do when you meet up?
Gracefully take in negative energy and radiate only positive energy.
Don't use contraception or have an abortion because you deserve whatever consequences that come from fornicating. Besides how else does one prove their trust and loyalty of their male partner.
Be the cool girl by going with the flow. Nobody wants a girl that's difficult.
Prove you are not a whore by being godly.
Play small. You wouldn't want to threaten the man.
Be humble! Don't have high expectations.
Challenge the natural process of aging. God forbid you get wrinkles as your body ages.
Be a modern woman by embracing masculinity better than a man. Femininity symbolizes weakness and co-dependency. If you seek more ease or a soft life, you are lazy and helpless.
Becoming a woman isn’t an easy journey. Like everything else in life, it has its challenges and is full of adventures. In today’s generation, it is not the easiest thing to be a good woman. When you are indeed trying to become, ’A good Woman’, rather than trying to be, ’That Girl’, fitting in is often easier than standing out. Although standing out is being yourself and staying true to yourself, it requires going against the norm and what society teaches.
So let's challenge our internalized misogyny by addressing these messages. And remember, you don't need to do anything to be authentically you. You are already You. You just need to let go of an limiting beliefs, habits and baggage.
Again, these are not beliefs I believe to be true, but the subtle messages I have received from society regarding how to best navigate life as a woman.
Let me know some of yours in the comments sections.
See you in the next post.
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