Heaven is Betting on Us

Look around! We have all come so far. I know I have.

12year old me would be so proud of me for being a happy independent woman.

She so badly wanted to outgrow the helplessness of childhood. She would jump with joy watching me sip my cappuccino besides the pool at the sports club on a Monday morning. I am writing my first book and creating content for my brand.

18year old me would be so proud of me for finding my voice and learning to stand up for myself.

All too often, she forced a laugh, faked a smile, held back tears and turned a blind eye to the hurt and disrespect because she didn't know how to advocate for her needs and well being. She would be flabbergasted to hear that some of our high school bullies are now trying to pursue a friendship with us.

Even the college roommate that often spoke ill of us is now in our Dm asking for favors since she heard that I am a Human Resource Manager.

21year old me would be so proud of me for marrying my best friend. She has just started dating him at this time but heads up! It works out eventually.

She would be happy to see that I am less alone. That I have someone to buy me cake and celebrate my birthdays with me for the rest of my life. And most importantly, together we have created a life of joy. A life that allows me to take a rest from survival mode and pursue my vision for the future.

25year old me would be so proud of me for overcoming crippling depression and anxiety. For the longest time, I struggled with the conflict between the things I felt (the things my bodies registered) vs the things I thought I ought to feel so as to comply with the moral norms and standards I had internalized from a very young age. This threw me for a loop. I blamed myself for not having the “right” feelings.

"Enjoy your youth. Those are your best years", Society tells us.

"You should smile more!"

"You should be happy. You have a roof over your head, enough food on your table, clothes on your back, and are studying in a good school."

But there I was, young and sad, with a dream of dissapearing from everybody's life.

She would celebrate me for healing and creating Hai, a blog about healing, introspection and wellness, because through my writing, guided journals and wellness programs, I have helped others begin their healing and self-discovery journey. Making the journal therapy I always needed, accessible to everyone, everywhere.

28year old me would be proud of me for being comfortable with being alone. She maintained close relations with toxic friends and family members because she was scared of being alone.

She still feels guilty for abandoning herself to seek love and validation from unhealthy sources, but I forgive her.

Now we set aside long empty hours to sit with our self and our feelings and it's been great for our well being.

I’m so grateful I was a failure at different points in my life.

I’m so grateful it’s taken me years of mistakes to get to this place in my life.

I’m so grateful that each year I have lived has been a little bit better than the last. I am definitely not an overnight success. My life—much like my entrepreneurial career—has been a rock rolling downhill. It’s only recently that the mass has picked up enough speed to make the ground shake.

I’m grateful for the small spaces I’ve inhabited; they taught me how to grow.

I’m grateful for every misstep along the way; they taught me how to stand up straight on my own.

I’m grateful for every moment of insecurity; they propelled me to gain a lifetime of confidence earned through practice and study.

I now know that the universe is conspiring for us to achieve all that we aspire to.

Heaven is betting on us to win.