They say behind every successful woman is a tribe. A tribe of other women who support her and love her and push her to be her absolute best but stick by her even when she’s at her absolute worst. A tribe of other women who could choose to compete, but take the higher, better road of collaboration instead. A tribe of other women who don’t just fix her crown, but also bend down to pick it up and dust it off when it’s fallen off. A tribe of other women who refuse to get jealous. Who refuse to compare. Who refuse to belittle or go low. Who refuse to gossip, or leave out, or hurt just to watch her crumble under the pressure.
A tribe of women who tell the truth. When it’s hard. When it’s easy. When it’s uncomfortable. When a lie would be the simpler road to travel. A tribe of women who pick her up and put her back on her feet when she’s gone off-course. A tribe of women who have the courage to encourage her. A tribe of women who have the strength to strengthen her.A tribe of other women who have her back, and her front, and her side, and her soul, and her spirit, and her heart, and her best interest in mind.
But this has not been the reality for a lot of us.
These days finding a tribe can be very overwhelming because many of us live in less tightly knit communities while others are raised to see other women only as competition for men's attention and opportunities. We are jaded from painful friendship breakups and because of this and many other reasons, it’s easy to feel disconnected and separate from other women.
That's how I felt until recently, when I begun to share my story on TikTok and got so much love, encouragement and support from women who are/have been where I am.
This has caused me to crave genuine lasting friendships with women, even though, like a lot of other women, I had given up on the idea all together after so much disrespect, hurt and betray.
I think it's time to heal and begin seeing each other for what we really are. Humans. Sisters.
Before I write another word, let’s take some sisterly inventory, shall we?
You may be able to relate to one or all of these. I know I certainly recalled some unpleasant memories as I wrote these.
Here’s how we currently feel about each other and why we can’t seem to connect. Which ones are you?
Maybe you feel like:
Women are so catty.
Women are mean.
Women are dramatic.
Women are competitive.
Women are jealous.
Women are too emotional.
Women gossip too much.
Women worry too much about what others think.
Women are intimidated by me.
Women are needy.
Women are judgmental.
Women friends are energy vampires.
Or maybe you’ve said:
I don’t trust women.
I get along better with guys.
I give too much and it never gets reciprocated.
I don’t care about clothes, hair, and makeup.
I can’t talk about kids all day.
I turn into their therapist.
I don’t want to always go out drinking.
I hate the phone.
I’m an introvert.
I’m always disappointed by women friendships.
There is no spark or energy there.
I can’t find any like-minded women.
I’m geographically isolated.
I don’t have time for friends.
I have nothing to of er the women I want to be friends with.
I’m too jealous to be friends with women I find interesting.
I’m too ashamed to share myself and my story with friends.
I’m not willing to go through the pain of getting hurt or rejected again.
The list keeps going. Far too many open wounds for all of us to lick, but despite it all, everybody needs a tribe of women who actually love and nurture you.
Even if you might have found “your person,” no one other person can be everything to another person. In fact, being solely reliant on someone else—husband, wife, partner, lover, confidant, whomever—is not only a big ask, but it puts massive stress on the relationship. It places a dangerously high expectation on both parties and it’s almost guaranteed that someone is going to be let down, pushed away, or both. Take for example, your husband. You’re telling him how a coworker has been treating you unfairly. “Who cares?” he says. “Relax, she sounds like an idiot.” You’re a little miffed—he’s supposed to be analyzing her behavior with you, figuring out what you can do or say together. Turns out, your “person” is not your best go-to person here.
Now, I want you to scan your mind and body for the smallest, tiniest part of you that wants to trust that you can experience the bliss feeling of genuine sisterhood someday. If you find it, this is your opportunity to invite anyone you would like to connect with, learn from, and share your time with to join your tribe. You can ask absolutely anyone. There is no stipulation here. You can go the familiar route with the people you know—your family, coworkers, acquaintances, best friends, or workout buddies. Or another option is to take the fast-track growth route by choosing people you don’t actually know too well—people who come from different industries, backgrounds, or beliefs. I’ve learned that the more diverse your tribe, the more growth potential you have, because any time you seek people who are outside of your comfort zone—people doing something that you want to start doing, people who hold strengths that you don’t possess—you will stretch faster and further. In fact, most all of my tribes began with people I barely knew, if at all. I basically knew they were driven, seemed caring, and wanted to grow. But, no matter which people you choose to invite, be sure that you consider each one of them reliable and goaloriented individuals. You will become strong and action-oriented only when everyone contributes and shares equally.
Nervous? Not sure how to go about asking people to join your tribe? Don’t stress if this sounds like a lot of work right now; I get it. Putting yourself out there is scary. Take it a step at a time.
Happy women's month!
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