By the time you read this, I would have turned 32 on the 14th of December. It was a brilliant celebration as most of my birthdays have been in the recent years. Right now, though, as I write this a few days shy of the new year - a time I have been waiting eagerly for - I am taking time to reflect on what the three decades of my life have taught me. I was thinking of sharing with you the lessons that have allowed me to grow and become the woman I am, like I do every year on this blog, but I changed my mind.
This year, I will share some great life lessons shared to me by other firstborn daughters in a TikTok of mine that went viral recently.
Dear firstborn daughters, grab a pen and some paper and gather here.
I asked on TikTok, " Dear fristborn daughter, what if you shared your life hacks in the comments section to help another eldest daughter make 2024 a great year", and there were literally a thousand comments from firstborn daughters of different ages, countries, ethicities and backgrounds, comforting and giving great advice to others firstborns. Before any of you is tempting to comment, not all firstborns, please consider the context. Take whatever advice you find helpful and leave those that don't apply to you.
In no particular order of merit, here are some of them;
💚"You are not crazy for feeling frustrated, exhausted for taking care of everything, everyone else, being expected to constantly selfless. Your exhaustion is valid."
💚 "Move out of the house. It's hard but I promise you,you can do it. Or else you will waste your youth taking care of the house and u will miss a lot."
💚 "Dear eldest daughter, Let go of the guilt of not doing something for everyone… You can spend it on yourself, it’s okay💕"
💚 "Draw clear boundaries, it’s scary but be firm on that!"
💚 "Give yourself the permission to construct your own journey. Your parents gave you life to live don’t be scared of always making the wrong decision. Some decisions are just decisions."
💚"It's okay to be a single mom your child is blessing of every door that open.please take care of your mental health is more important 🥰🥰🥰 much love 😘"
💚 "Boundaries, for your peace of mind learn how to keep boundaries unapologetically."
💚 "Loving your family from a distance is okay. You are enough!"
💚 "You have taken care of everyone and put their needs first. In 2024, it your turn now. Teach yourself to love you! Discover yourself and please heal!"
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💚 "Allow your parents to care for their children, we are not the parents....we also need to be cared for by the parents."
💚 "Treat yourself once in a while to a romantic date, get your nails done,buy a new dress,shoes,do facials .... just do things for yourself."
💚 "Heavy emphasis on allowing yourself to be loved, to be on the receiving end, and to open up to babygirl treatment! Let that masculine lion inside go!"
💚 "As the eldest daughter do not feel guilty spending on yourself and the things you like.Pour into yourself too🥰, you deserve it 💯"
💚 "Don't panick, life will always work out exactly how it was destined."
💚 "- If they are toxic (family)-exit - Want to grow? relocate to a different location far from family. - Don't let them know how much you earn."
💚 "I cannot say I've gotten the hang of it yet, but i learnt that ignoring family members goes a long way. i observe whatever happens and simply IGNORE."
💚 "Listen to their problems but never ever embrace them as your own. Never be a puppet,loving from a distance is okay."
💚 "Spoil yourself, you have earned and you too deserve it."
💚 "Pour into yourself more. Put yourself first Set boundaries Have time for yourself If you have the means, please move out."
💚 "Save and go far away from home. Only call your parents once a week or less. Say hi and don't try to fix anything for them. No matter how they lament🥰"
💚 "Don't be scared to start that small business now you'll see the difference in a year or so, there are losses and wins but that's growth😚"
💚"Remember to put yourself first..don’t be in a rush to cater for their needs when yours are pending.learn the art of saying no cause it comes in handy."
💚"Give yourself grace! pour the same energy you do to other people to yourself! Focus on you this time! Fight for you!"
💚 "It's okay to start choosing yourself now."
💚 "Never let the pressure of your parents saying you have to be a role model to the rest of your siblings go to your head🥰 Do you."
💚 "Treat yourself with the same kindness you give to others."
💚 "It's okoy to take breaks...Trust me you need it babygirl..Go home go or where love is and relax..we try again next year🥰🥰.And hey, I am proud of you☺️"
💚 "Make peace with being the villain in some people's stories. You'll keep breaking your back and it will never be enough. God knows your heart best."
💚 "18 with 3 siblings. I raised them since I was 10. Growing up, my whole life revolved around them that I always forgot basic things for my self like eating and bathing but always did for other so me having a day like Sunday night where I do my skincare make myself a juice, do some exercise, you know self care day has been helping me so much. Also adding GOD in my life have some more troubles but GOD helped me" 💚 "It's okay to love your family from a distance. it's not your job to heal your broken parents. it's not your fault you are kind to people who drain you."
💚 "Don't always pour into cups that don't pour unto you...nourish those that nourish you."
💚 "It's okay to say no to that family function this season." 💚 "To know yourself is to know God. Be comfortable having those difficult, honest, crazy self talks frequently. They truly help..... Love u🥰🥰" 💚"Always be YOURSELF!"
💚 "Do not feel guilty for not being in the mental capacity to go for events even family ones....Take your time alone to recover and accept help🤍"
💚 "Get someone to talk to someone you can trust and has NO close relation to your family,talking helps alot."
💚 "Long distance relationship with your family is the best for your mental health❤️Choose you babes!!"
💚 "Focus on yourself! Put yourself first. Buy that dress that you always wanted!"
💚 "Create those boundaries and don't feel no guilt about it. Take walks take photos and smile more. Block anyone with negative vibes no matter who. And pray.."
💚 "Learn to say no without feeling guilty. Especially if in your heart you know saying yes to family will mess up your mind. It’s the hardest but very much doable. Love and light to y’all ❤️❤️"
💚 "It's okay to have lazy days and not think about getting everything done."
💚 "Learn to let other people handle their struggles without feeling guilty. Takes time, feels bad but you have to take care of yourself."
💚 "Sometimes .. put yourself first ..i know it is so hard ..but so worth it .. and don’t feel guilty for not putting everyone before you."
💚 "You don't have to feel guilty for giving yourself a break you deserve it."
💚 "You can take care of yourself and still care for your loved ones,you deserve rest and love once in a while it's okay to feel down sometimes."
💚 "Don’t let them know about your finances help them yes but don’t give your details."
💚 "Putting yourself first isn't selfish you deserve to show yourself some love❤️"
💚 "You don't have to be perfect, just be you, you are more than enough."
💚 "Ghosting is not that bad."
💚 "Heal, put yourself first in everything, do the bare minimum/no people pleasing, move out if you can."
💚 "If you're sickly rest! Even if it's a flu sit down lie down and rest! you don't owe anyone"
💚 "You don't owe anyone to achieve those expectations they have of you."
💚 "Prioritize your expense first, then help if need be . If you can’t help after your expense let be. It’s well . Put your self first."
💚 "Set boundaries don't be afraid when they call you selfish."
💚 "Sometimes,just take a nap."
💚 "Dance or sing to you favourite songs often."
💚 "One thing for sure…You deserve happiness as an eldest daughter,don’t ever forget that💕"
💚 "I personally resigned from being the eldest daughter.. I am watching from the periphery... 😭😭😭 A girl is exhausted"
💚 "Allow yourself to live alone in your own space. Fulfill that fantasy of building a life for yourself. You deserve that."
💚 "Don’t forget to tell yourself you are PROUD of you! 🙌🏾❤️Give yourself grace and alotttt of patience in your growing pains💯"
💚 "Love your self, prioritize yourself, heal, forgive, let go, meditate, practice gratitude, practice visualization."
💚 "Find your spot of peace and never allow anyone to compromise it."
💚 "This 2023 and previous years you've been doing more than enough give yourself credit and do you first before others don't feel guilty, love them too."
💚 "You dont tell people your boundaries you show them through actions."
💚 "I'm finally choosing to put myself first with no apologies!.You don't have to pick that call or text back if you don't want to!!!"
💚 "You just have to keep going girl, days get rough, remember to be gentle with yourself and don't forget yourself while trying to go hard for the family."
💚 "Spare some time to do kids stuff have fun with your friends to heal your inner child."
💚 "Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, both big and small. It boosts confidence and provides motivation for future endeavors."
💚 "Dear firstborn, it's okay to behave like the last born sometimes."
💚 "Acceptance my love, accept that things are as they are, you are allowed to feel the bitterness but after that you learn to live for you. There's enough love for you too."
💚 "Extend to yourself the same grace and love you do to others. You are not exempt!"
💚 "Treat them how they do you."
💚 "Leave when its time when you know they will all be just fine without you."
💚 "Do whatever you want. It's very freeing."
💚 "Don’t let it get to you."
💚 "Always create time for yourself. Always!"
💚 "You're perfect the way you are, you're enough and one day you'll get someone to take care of you. + it's okay to love your family from a distance."
💚 "Cultivate a strong support network. Surround yourself with friends and mentors who inspire and encourage you on your journey."
💚 "Breathe and enjoy the little moments that you find meaningful to you."
💚 "Create a strong bond amongst your siblings and always remember you are not their parent, for your own sanity. It helps."
💚 "Schedule time for rest, for self care and for doing things you love."
💚 "Focusing solely on your family only and not yourself will make you blame/ hate them later. Just do what you can from your heart and others will fall in."
💚 "I am a lastborn and the only girl in a family of 7 boys. And all i can say is. Pray harder sis. Pray."
💚 "You're not too much if some days you need to be loved a little more,breath more when overwhelmed, take a break and be selfish ,it's okay🥰"
💚 "Don't be afraid to disappoint your parents.. your choices affect you not them!"
💚 "Always remember that distance and time heals and cures everything..... give time it's time & embrace your life and focus on yourself starting now."
These are just a few of the comments, the post in pinned at the top on my TikTok profile for your viewing.
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