If you had Aladdin’s magic lamp and could make three wishes, it’s a good bet one of them would be to have more time. You wouldn’t be reading this blog right now if you already had all the time you wanted. Chances are that you are interested in having more time not just for the sake of having more time (after all, who wants to have more time to be stuck in traffic?) You want more time for particular purposes. You want more time to do all the things you dream about doing. More time for the things you love; more time to spend with friends and family. More time to engage in work that is fulfilling, rewarding, and satisfying. More time to spend in places that you dream about going, or places that you long to return. More time to shop, read, dance, cook, sing, play, travel, paint, listen to music, run, walk, read, sleep, eat, kiss, make love, knit, journal, garden, volunteer, entertain, play golf, meditate, hike, make wine, or swim. More time to enjoy that Sunday afternoon sweetness of life.
Unfortunately, there is no way to get more time. We can’t manufacture minutes. It’s impossible to add more hours to the day. We have a fixed quantity of twenty-four hours in a day to work with. So, it’s not how much time we have; it’s what we do with the time that we are given.
Then tell me why I still bothered to go for that afternoon service last week. The people there were all older than me and dull in a distinguished way, old enough that me, at thirty-ish, passed as the occasion’s young lady. The house was great—if you like eclectic–style home decor—a luxury mansion complete with an outside pool and the most beautiful garden I have ever seen. I was preparing to leave, when one of our hosts said, “No, stay a little longer so I can talk to you. You have missed several sabbaths!” He was an imposing man who had made a lot of money in construction. He kept me waiting while the other guests drifted out into the backyard for a house tour, and then sat me down at his authentically grainy wood table and said to me, “So? I hear you have made your own journal.”
I replied, “Several, actually.”
He said, in the way you encourage your friend’s seven-year-old to describe football practice, “And what are they about?”
They were actually about quite a few different things, but when I began to speak he cut me off soon after I mentioned mental health.
So caught up was I in my assigned role as the naive unsophisticated young woman, I was perfectly willing to entertain the possibility that I actually knew little on the subject. He was telling me about the unnecessary emphasis of mental health in these new generations—with that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority. I wanted to leave but instead, I sat across from him and contemplated my existence.
That’s what inspired today's post. It’s about adding ‘‘life in the years,’’ and having compelling answers to the following questions: What will you do with your allocation of time on this planet? Who will you become? What will you have? What legacy will you leave behind?
Renowned psychotherapist Carl Jung once said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Think about that for a second: imagine being the unfiltered, no-pretending, don’t-care-what-others-think, authentic version of you. Imagine that.
Ask yourself:
What am I?
Who am I?
What makes me me?
If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would those three words be? Come on now, participate! Don’t just read this. Stop and genuinely think about it. I’m waiting!
Allow yourself to dig deep and not feel silly about it. I’m asking YOU who you think YOU really are, and what YOU know about yourself. It should be easy, right?
We usually find the answers in our own company, or in the company of our closest, dearest friends and family. We see our true selves in moments when we are not trying so hard to impress and be liked. So psychoanalyze yourself to your heart’s content: Are you smart? Thoughtful? Strong? Playful? Fun to be around? The sweetest of souls? Socially awkward ... or supremely confident? Made of the hard stuff ... or sensitive and easily hurt? Do you need attention ... or prefer it when others do all the talking? Are you a go-getter ... or a plodder? Calm .. or anxious most of the time?
Okay. So what three words would I use to describe myself? I will join in, too. Hm, hm. hmmmm ... Driven. Visionary. And oh-so-giggly. That’s a weird combination, but accurate. See, it wasn’t so hard! (Although you don’t know how long it took me to place the words on this page, and you never will. Hahahaha.)
Now, you, too, should have your three words ... so forget them. Put them aside and try to see yourself from another person’s perspective. How do friends regard you? How do you think strangers see you? How do your nearest and dearest best describe you? (Are you a little afraid of this? I am!!!) Often, the reflection of ourselves is best seen in the “mirror” that a friend, relative, or stranger holds up.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about self-perception and how much of it is actually a reality versus a fantasy, a self-delusion. We all have a belief about who we are; there is always the story we tell ourselves. But How do any of us truly know the answer? I fear that most people, if asked, would just tell us what we want to hear; it would all be nice and complimentary, but probably not honest. People tend to be too polite, even when asked to be otherwise. It’s the same reason I never know if I should tell the person I’m talking to that he has food in his teeth. Maybe that’s not exactly applicable here, but you know what I mean. Politeness often blocks honesty. That seems to be the way of the world. Nobody wants to be the one who tells a person some uncomfortable, perhaps unflattering, home truths. You would be pretty twisted to enjoy being that kind of messenger! (And now I can’t help but think that someone, somewhere, is reading this and thinking Muhuhahahah . . . I L OVE DOING THAT! (I actually know someone like that, you know the kind that enjoy being cruel in the name of honesty).
This is an interesting topic to me, because at what age do we figure ourselves out? Twenty? Thirty? Fifty? EVER?? There’s no one answer. Like everything in life, some of us will wake up faster than others. Some people figure it all out in their mid-twenties; others might make it to old age before self-awareness kicks in. We all know that one person who seems to know EVERYTHING, and has somehow managed to find a cheat sheet to this reality. I hate that human. (I want to be her!) I wish there was a formal age or set time when all of life’s secrets are uncovered, and that we all live more consciously and happily ever after!
Personally, I’m chasing that privilege that Carl Jung referred to: a true understanding of myself. I’m learning more about who I am on a daily basis. It’s a constant search, but I’m lured by the promise of the discovery of gold nuggets, especially as I face some of life’s most difficult questions, moments, and situations. It’s a bit like using a magnifying glass when looking for that earring you dropped on the floor—everything looks like a blur; there is no clarity. But the harder you look and the longer you search, the clearer things seem to become until BOOM—it just appears in front of your face in crystal-clear 4K H DR (someone recently explained this to me and that’s the only reason I know wtf that means). Who we are, what makes us tick, and what’s in our highest and best interests comes into sharp focus . . . if we’re willing to look inward.
When I compare myself to who I used to be five years ago, I see different people with different interests, goals, ambitions, and even personality traits. I have grown— and there’s nothing more satisfying than that feeling. I have slowly turned into the person I’m meant to be, and I can only imagine that I’ll continue to grow and change and evolve for years to come, which is exciting! If I have gotten this much better in five years, how much more will I enjoy myself in ten years? That’s the hope for me, for you, and for everyone else: that one day, someday soon, we will look in the mirror and confidently see the reflection of our truest selves, the person we know we are and were always capable of becoming. But most of all, the person we are happy with and proud to be.
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