Grab a drink, it's time for some hard truths.
Some of us have been taking responsibility for other people while neglecting the responsibility for ourselves. For one reason or another, we instinctively felt responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others. We may even believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we’re responsible for theirs.
This is false. I repeat, this is not true! I struggled for a very long time until I realized this. It took a while because it was hard to change a belief I had had my whole life. I believed other people’s happiness was my responsibility. As if the world revolved around me. If they weren't happy, it was because I was doing something wrong. Or I wasn’t enough. I needed to try harder, to love harder, to give more.
I was wrong.
While it's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person, caring for others too much can lead to you feeling hurt, used and victimized; and them never learning to take responsibility for themselves. If this resonates with yom, it's time to change.
Its time to pay attention to your actual responsibilities to yourself and let others do the same. If you are in doubt about those responsibilities are and which responsibilities aren't your, let me take you through this inventory.
THINGS YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR;
Your future
Your happiness
Your health; physical, mental and emotional
Your well being
Your thoughts
Your money
Your actions
Your decisions
Your pets
Your performance at work/school
Your bad habits
What you say
How you spend your time
Exceeding your limitations
Loving yourself
Your healing
Honoring your boundaries
Building your legacy
Holding yourself and others accountable
Doing your best
THINGS YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR;
Everything
Other people's opinions of you
Other people's happiness
Other people's feelings
Other people's choices
Other people’s mistakes
Other people’s negativity
Other people’s reactions to your boundaries
Meeting other people's expectations
Living up to other people's labels of you
Guessing other people's needs
How people perceive you
Fixing other people’s problems
Being universally adored
Maintaining a relationship with toxic people
Your ex
Getting the approval of others
controlling your spouse
Proving you are a good person
Living up to your parent's expectations
Remember, it’s not about abandoning or alienating others. Instead, it’s about learning to create boundaries and developing healthy relationships with those around you. The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves—for what we think, feel, want, and need. And letting others do the same.
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