When I think about a time in my life when I was the most anxious, depressed and clueless, it would be in my early twenties. Back then I wasn't the woman I am now. I had no idea what I was capable of. Or how powerful I truly am.
At age of 21, I wasn't the girl you would come to for a juicy story. I was the girl raised by strict Seventh-Day Adventist parents who always had my younger siblings as chaperons whenever she ventured outside the compound. I barely had friends.
Although I never minded being the good girl, I was terrified of a youth wasted. I rejected the thought that I would have to wait until somebody's son thought me worthy of marriage, for me for me to get some kind of freedom. A life filled with regret awaited me. Something had to change!
On my 25th birthday, after having been promoted at work into management position, I notified my parents that I would be moving out to pursue my dream to be an independent woman.
Secretly motivated by a pursuit of a youth well spent, I did not let me father's disapproval stop me. I packed up my things and moved into the smallest studio apartment.
I was so proud of that tiny space I called mine. Even the most mundane activities held such a special charm. Buying groceries was playing grown-up. Going for a dinner date was a bonified adventure. Eating ramen noodles for dinner was exciting. Even staying home to read a book as I sipped on my favorite wine was a dream come true.
When I look back at my life from my current vantage point, I am filled with joy and confidence in myself.
Moving out wasn't just a pursuit for freedom and happiness, it was also about standing up for my vision for my life and creating memories I will cherish forever. It was about learning to confidently follow my own path, which I thank God, has led me to the life I now live and love. I wouldn't change a thing about my past. In fact I am looking forward to retelling it when I am old and grey.
Now at the end of my twenties, I find myself in a happy marriage with my best friend and in a house with a kitchen twice the size of my old apartment.
Everything I dreamed of and then some more.
To help you out on your journey, here are some nuggets of wisdom that have worked for me till now;
By 30, you should have.....
A youth you’re content to move beyond.
A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
Something perfect to wear if your employer or your crush wants to see you in an hour.
A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
Some money set aside for emergencies; at least three months salary's worth.
A professional email address, and a bank account— all of which nobody has access to but you.
A solid support system. This should include a therapist, life coach and lawyers, just in-case.
A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
At least one friend who is loyal to your best interest, this person could be you.
Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
The belief that you deserve it.
A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
A firm understanding of your boundaries and limits.
A family tradition you will pass down to the next generation.
An activity you love getting lost in.
By 30, you should know....
Someone high up in the corporate ladder or society. And someone in the trenches.
How to fall in love without losing yourself.
How to advocated for your needs, in the office, in the bedroom, in your family system and social cirlces.
How you feel about having kids.
How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
When to try harder and when to walk away.
How to say no and mean it.
How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
Where to go—be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat—when your soul needs soothing.
That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
I aimed for the sky. And I have been aiming ever since.