People I Would Never Take Advice From

While away on a vacation, I was sorting out my thoughts on the subject of "unsolicited advice".

Let’s talk about it.

I don’t know about you, but I get unsolicited advice from people all the time. From relationship advice from the auntie whose husband has a secret family, the younger sibling with no life experience, the fitness guru born with great genetics, the social media consultant who only has a few thousand followers, financial advise from an heir/heiress, parenting advice from the mother whose adult children don't speak to her, to the friend that is secretly competing with you and loosing.

You may be picking up on the fact that I hate unsolicited advice. I truly do. Here’s my rule of thumb, and it rarely fails me: Only you know and only you can do what is right for you. You cannot listen to what others want you to do because only you will live with the consequences of your choices.

I take pride in never giving people advice, even as a wellness coach. Instead, I empower my clients with information and resources to help them make the best decisions. But most people will spew out advice even when they are grossly unqualified or know nothing of your situation, dreams and aspirations. Even when it’s completely unwelcome or they have never walked a mile in your shoes. And surprise surprise, it’s bad advice.

So who can you trust to give you great advice? The person you are dating? The best employee at work? Your rich and successful relative? Your uncle, who wants to sell you insurance? Your beautiful and popular best friend? The new and handsome political candidate on TV? You have to decide—often in seconds—based on very little information.

Here’s the good news: You can trust most people to give good advice, but it's based on their lived experience so it may be biased or un-relatable.

Now, the bad news: There are also types of people who can ruin your life with seemingly great advice. They can encourage your self-sabotage just to sit back and watch you burn. They can ruin your reputation, your self-esteem, your relationship or your career. They can destroy your finances, your physical health, or your sanity. Some of them will kill you, if you give them the opportunity.

In today's post, I want to talk about the people I would never take advice from.

Let’s get started.

1. People who don't seem happy, healthy or wealthy, from my perspective.

2. The person with no life experience. She might be your best friend or your little sister, but if she doesn’t have any experience in what you’re trying to do, why would you ask her for advice?

3. Adults who can't regulate their emotions and/or are still living in survival mode. Respectfully, how can I trust you with my life when you are emotionally stunted and still just as affected by your childhood trauma as I am.

4. The person who is oblivious to how they create many of their own problems with other people. They can’t see their part in the problem or how they create most of their own problems.

5. People who use Facebook as their main social media platform. They seem so out of touch to me.

6. Women who have centered their lives around male approval, desirability or proximity to masculinity. There is more to a woman's life and identity than who she is dating, married to or who she gave birth to.

7. People with a history of hitting people, just because they feel angry, tired, frustrated or stressed.

8. The friend that doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, I have been this friend. Friends can be great people to go to for advice, but only if they are willing to be honest with you. The best of friends are the ones that aren’t afraid to tell you the truth, even if it isn’t what you want to hear. And, they try to do it in a nice way.

9. People who haven’t been where I am, or where I'm going.

10. People that have an significant inheritance. I am very jealous of them but I will not take their advice because if life was a race, they are much closer to the finish line than I may ever be. It would be like asking Beyoncé for tips for singing better. Will they be great tips? Yes! But they maybe a tad bit un-relatable.

11. Broke people. I am not financially stable either but why would I want to hear a broke man’s instructions on how to be rich?

12. People who have not yet had an identity crisis, or their first mental breakdown. Have you really lived?

13. Gen X. They lack the empathy and emotional intelligence to give good advice to someone like me who values joy, peace, purpose and happiness over productivity and community.

14. Younger siblings. I may have known them their whole life, but they have not known me my whole life. I may respect their point of view but I also recognize that still have a lot to learn.

15. People who are scared of failure. I have failed enough to know that failure is a necessary part of success.

16. People who have never been to therapy. I can't really trust you to have my best interest if you don't prioritize your own emotional and mental well-being.

17. People who have never been in a long term relationship. I value the wisdom and humility that comes from having made the choice to love someone and stay committed to them for a long time.

18. People that give someone an intense, intimate hug right after meeting them. It's giving..... sexual assault. Or a lack of respect for other people's boundaries and personal space.

19. The boss that is yelling at the top of their lungs at a routine staff meeting. WTF!!!

20. People who are extremely charismatic— but their charm is a cover for their drive to sell you something, an idea, a product or a service. Why are you calling me 'sweetheart' when you just met me? I can't trust you.

21. The parent that just wants to protect you. Don’t get me wrong, just about every parent wants to protect their children. But, there are some that are so afraid of seeing their children fail that they never encourage them to take risks. You know if your parent is like this. Any time you tell them an idea they list off why you shouldn’t do that or what might not work out. These parents would be shocked to find out their children feel like they are holding them back. But, it’s true. They really do mean well and want to help you, but they are unable to give you the advice you are looking for. And, it doesn’t matter how old you are, there’s a chance that your parent falls into this category.

22. The person that isn’t going after what they want. If someone has settled and is unhappy with where they are in their own life, they aren’t going to be able to give you valuable advice. When you ask for advice from someone it should be a person that is working hard to live the life they want and making good decisions along the way. Someone that isn’t pursuing their dreams is not going to be able to help you go after yours.

But what if you actually need advice?

We all need wisdom and guidance. I have so much to learn — in my marriage, relationships, my business, my emotions, my behaviors, everything. But I want an extraordinary life.

I want complete financial freedom.

I want to directly help the lives of hundreds of thousands of people through my writing, every day.

I want to work from home so I can spend time with my family, all the time.

I want to be the master of my fate, where I call the shots and enjoy the rewards for taking full responsibility of my life.

How many people do you know with this life? This life is rare. Most people are also trying to figure out how to get there.

So instead of trusting others to point me in the right direction, I choose to empower myself by reading books(or blogs), listening to podcasts, going to therapy, attending a seminar, consuming the right content, watching others live their lives and learning to trust my instincts.

Who else would you add to this list? Let me know down in the comments section.

(If you liked this article, you might also enjoy Is Being Delusional A Good Thing? , Seeking Help For Your Mental Health and "You've changed!" )