We are all little children in aging bodies. No matter how old we get, we are still that little child that played hide and seek, rode the bike through the neighborhood, skipped rope, and enjoyed playtime more than anything.
I am venturing into the 31th year of life but memories of being a little girl still seem so fresh.
When I was about 10 years old I loved playing 'kati', a game I was very good at. This game needed at least 2 players and a ball made from socks, paper bags or wet newspapers (the hardest of them all). The aim of this game was to play for as long as you could, avoid getting hit by the ball. There were varying versions where you would be required to build a tower from rocks, or taking out as many opposing team members as possible to emerge as the winning team, among many other variations depending on where you were from. Another game I loved was 'brikicho', a version of hide and seek that involved kids shouting “brikicho, bantura” and kids dispersed into different hiding places trying to stay hidden for as long as possible.
Aging is full of surprises. The best of them is the lessons you learn and unlearn. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I knew then what I know now. But then I remember, nobody is born wise. Even the most successful people — depending on how you define “success” — have still known their fair share of heartbreak, failures, tragedy, illness, and other setbacks.
I am no longer the naive girl I was, engulfed in insecurities and with little knowledge about the world. I am now a happy grown woman and to celebrate this, here are some bits of wisdom that have learnt with age.
Happiness is the best measure of success.
Start writing, even though you are not a creative. Over the years I have written thousands of pages. Some wet with tears, some filled with anger, fear and uncertainty of life. There is deep pain and extreme joy with my writing because of the sense of self-awareness and freedom that comes from exposing my truth. My journey of words has allowed a pathway to developing a voice that is authentic, genuine and unique to me. It can do the same for you.
Fuck forgiveness, be the reason they do better next time. As a child, I got the message that being a good person was beneficial. When I was good, I was not scolded or banned from watching TV. What's more, people seemed to like me because I was no trouble, easy to manage even. Later in life I came to understand that being a good person is not all its cracked up to be. No one finds you difficult but they get too comfortable disrespecting you. So whenever you feel you are taken for granted, switch it up and be the villain in their story. As far as your conscious and the law will allow you.
You don't choose your family but you choose how involved you are in their lives.
Contemplate your failures more than your successes — not to lament where you fell short, but to learn the valuable lessons that will ensure you will not fail the same way again.
Do not despair over forces beyond your control. If you believe in God, as I do, your faith can carry you through even the darkest times. Find solace in the fortitude of your integrity, and focus on those things you can control. Besides, heaven is betting o your success.
Delegate more, and don’t try to do everything yourself.
There is no substitute for integrity. In a world where greed, immediate gratification and taking shortcuts seem to be major themes, there is nothing that can replace one’s reputation. The ability to look back on life and say, “I did it the right way” is a treasure. There is no do-over when you lose your integrity and reputation.
You will not like everyone, and that's okay. Everyone won't like you either.
Life begins at 'no'. So honor your boundaries as often as possible.
Think before you act. Sounds simple enough, right?
Your children are your legacy. Give them unconditional love within a framework that teaches them your values but also allows them to be who they are. Spend as much time with them as possible. Time spent when they are young is like money in a piggy bank: don’t expect them to spend time with you when you are old if you did not invest in them when they were young.
Follow your intuition. I regret all the many, many times I did not follow my intuition. If you truly listen to your inner voice, I believe that you will end up doing something very meaningful and worthy of your best efforts. You will benefit not only yourself but also those around you. You should read a book titled, 'The Alchemist'.
I think about all your blessings and keep a gratitude journal to look back on.
Have a few true friends. Free yourself from the shackles of having many friends.
Set high standards for yourself and others. You may not always live up to them but you will be glad you tried.
Overall, money is not as important as I used to think. It cannot buy happiness, peace of mind or a good night's sleep. I know many people who are living happy, satisfied lives on very little money. On the other hand, I have been poor and I have been 'not poor', and life is a lot easier not being poor.
There is a difference between being rich and being wealthy.
The world isn’t perfect, never has been and never will be.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to think you know it all — or even have to know it all. Learning to surround yourself with people who know more than you do and learning to accept their advice is a big step in the right direction.
Your colleagues are not your friends. Not even all your friends are your friends.
Give yourself permission to not be accessible at all times. Ignore that call. Leave that message on read. Don't answer email. Turn that phone off. Delete your social media accounts. Go off the grid and isolate yourself for a while.
You are allowed to decide that you want nothing to do with someone who has hurt or disrespected you, even if you have forgiven them because you disrespect yourself in the utmost regard when you rekindle relationships that humiliated you, hurt you or made you feel less than what you are worth. Self love starts with self-respect. Thank you, next!
Stop giving people more of what they don't already appreciate.
There are plenty of ways to show love, loyalty and gratitude for those you love other gracefully and quietly living through the hurt and trauma they cause you from their trauma and toxic habits. Put a stop to it immediately.
Go to therapy, otherwise life will find ways to bring you to your knees using all the trauma you have swept under the carpet. Become conscious of your trauma and heal from them.
Start journaling daily. Whether you’re dealing with mental health issues or just in need of an outlet for your thoughts, guided journaling may help. It is a helpful tool for sorting out your thoughts, goal setting, or just plain reflecting on your day. Try my 100 days of self-discovery prompt journal.
Quit your job respectfully. If you are miserable at your current job -whether it is because of your boss, co-workers or the work itself, then find another job. Do not burn your bridges by doing something rush and disrespectful but slowly and methodically find a new place of work. You do not have to love your job but you should never let it ruin your reputation. It's a small world.
Don't join Tiktok, it's addictive. Or on the other hand, join! You will learn more there than what four years in collage taught you.
Laugh more. Soon, we will all be dead.
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